7 Last Call: I See Myself in Black & White

It's time to step out of the darkness;
dust off this cloak of shadows;
unfurl these dormant wings intent on flying.

Too long I've been surrounded
by brilliant colors unable
to feel their sweet caress as
they poke at me so eager
to wrap me in their warmth, but
they bounce off me like ping-pongs.

It's time to step into the sunlight;
enrobe myself in lustrous colors;
awaken all that lies within me.

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An Aside:  As stated in my tagline for ...don't open...don't throw away..., the purpose of this blog was/is to release the toxins that build up within me.  Since the start of this year, I have been feeling as though I have become too buried in my own head; I needed to escape myself.  I think that is one of the reasons I started a new blog.  I think it was a smart move; I've tapped into somethings that I might otherwise have not done. To be honest, getting outside of myself has been quite liberating (and taxing).   

In making the decision, I was hesitant to completely shut things down here.  I still have plenty of poisons seeping through my veins that need to be expelled.  So, I decided to cut down here to posting for two events:  dVerse Poets Pub's OpenLinkNight and on the last Wednesday of the month for Three Word Wednesday.  But an odd thing happened....  I missed a week.  Then I typed up this piece and posted it with the intent of sharing last week.  After about ten minutes of it sitting out there in cyberspace, I realized that I couldn't do it.  So I took it down.  That didn't stop me from visiting those brave souls who week after week step through the pub doors, but I couldn't bring myself to the stage. I think I have finally come to the conclusion that (at least for awhile) I'm tired of fighting my "stage fright."  

So while I will continue on the rare occasion to add my voice, for now I think I'll stick with just enjoying an amazing selection of poetry offered up by others.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough...

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This is my silent contribution to this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

6 Last Call: Stealing Shadows

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Stealing Shadows

In the shadows of who I long to be,
I stand waiting for you to take my hand;
steel my fears, so I might finally shine
and rejoice in the warmth of light's sweet kiss.
There's so much in me longing to break free!

Yet here I am wandering in this wasteland,
consumed by darkness both inside and out,
blindly searching for you to take my hand.

It's naive of me to think you'll wipe away doubt--
stealing my fears.  Oh how I long to shine,
unearthing the me striving to break out.

and rejoice in the warmth of light's sweet kiss.
Still the darkness muffles my cries and shouts.
I'm scared I shall live forever like this.

There is so much in me longing to break free,
but I'm lost, wandering this wasteland.
Fears steal my will making it hard to shine.
I'm scared I will forever live like this
in the shadows of who I long to be.

---

This one took quite some effort.  Although part of that would be due to an overwhelming amount of work-related stress stealing my motivation to do much more than focus on breathing.  I started this on Monday in the hopes of making it into dVerse Poets Pub by Tuesday.  I finished about a third of it (though given the repetition of lines that isn't saying much).  Tuesday, unfortunately, disappeared from me leaving me to finish it today.  I'm impressed I managed to make it in before last call.  It's actually been awhile since I made my way through the doors this late.  Although I am quite familiar with taking the stage so late.  I think I actually prided myself in doing so.  

This particular expanded nota sprouts from a pom seed.

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This is my offerings for this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

2 Batch #9

Bursting with Pom Seeds
(image by rmp, that's me)

It's been approximately six months since my last Pom Seed update.  I admit that as with the last post I have not been very active in using my twitter persona to hold some of the little ideas and thoughts that pop into my head with the potential to become something much more than they are.

In accordance with my last batch, I will only be posting new pom seeds and ramblings along with any leftover pom seed/old rambling that managed to burst into some juicy little treat.  I have also decided that there really is not much difference between pom seeds and ramblings, so as of today I'll be merging them all under the pom seed listing.  I will allow all previously labeled ramblings to keep their title on the Pom Seeds page.  Still, I have also decided to assess some of the old ramblings that had tweetoetry potential and add them into the tweetoetry collection that usually follows pom seeds.

So...without further ado...

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Pom Seeds Batch #9
(bold have already burst to life)

• I feel like I’m trapped in a left-brain’s body ~ creativity screaming to be unleashed
• on day I will accept the truth ~ even if it's with my last breath
• is it possible to know love when you've never known heartache?  is it possible to know heartache when you've never known love? (The First That Wan't)
• the sun blazes brightly ~ and yet the sky cries softly
• I see them in shadows; standing shoulder to shoulder; as they did on that fateful night (High Noon)
• this social anxiety is not bound by the physical world...

Leftovers

• my heart quakes; earth-shattering tremors; only I can feel; course through me; I search for safety; the open embrace; of... (Fabricated Love)
• how long will I wait for someone to show me my worth before I except the truth (Worth)

Tweetoetry

#106
~Fluttering Laughter

her laugh
is like butterfly wings
tickling every one of
my senses


#107 (tanka)
~Floating Laughter

she twirls—skirts flaring
opening like a flower
casting love my way
her laughter floats through the air
like dandelion wishes


#108 (tanka-ish)
~Homeless

howling winds stir--cut
harsh paths--left in their wake
whispering remnants
speak of hearts torn from homes
as destruction lay at feet


#109
~haunting slumber~

sleep lives outside my peripheral vision
taunting me with flashes of eyelids
beckoning me to give chase


#110
~beneath the covers~

your warmth encases me
pulls me into your spell
of dreams ready to be fulfilled


#111
~Desire

moonlight dances
along the ripples of your surface
I long to dive in
alter the tempo--the rhythm
to match the beat of my internal fire


#112
~sweet words~

spun sugar is
a web of white lies
you don't want to get stuck in


#113 (tanka)
~Unique

you're like no one else
how I long to make you melt
my love--my snowflake
I open my arms to you
tilt my head towards your sweet kiss


#114
~Self-Loathing

I put a pulse
to my hate
and it beat
for me


#115 (haiku-ish)
~Moonlit Dreams

beneath evening's gaze
moon kissed eyelids awaken
dreams of pure delight


#R1
~ Wishy-Washy

fickle tears  

  they pour when sad 

  they pour when happy 

  they thunder when hurt 

you'd think 

  they'd pick an emotion 

and stick with it

#R2
~Static

I wish I had the words 

to heal this wound 

but they seem to elude 

still I try 

pouring out word after word 

hoping I'll find the perfect mix


#R3

~A-Part

pathetic really 

the way anxiety grips my heart 

as I step outside myself 

reaching out 

to those on the inside of the circle 

I skirt

#R4

~Involuntary Verbal Spews

anxiety's peace 

tastes like profanity 

on virgin lips


#R5

~Delicate Balance

he walks backwards 

along a fine line with ease 

not batting an eye 

through his omission


#R6

~Awaken Dreams

sleep evades my tired body 

dancing before my eyelids 

taunting my restless mind 

I so long to just...


#R7

~Release the Mask

I'm tired 

              tired of smiling 

it takes too much energy 

      wears on me 

eroding me from the inside out


#R8

~A Taste of the Future

I taste a little 

bit of sunshine 

on your lips 

a whole 

lot of tomorrows 

in your kiss

#R9

~Not I

random thoughts float about in my head 

longing to spill out 

but who would wish to listen 

to such randomness


#R10

~ Upside-down Frown

i need a happy thought 

my lips 

long 

to feel the contours 

of a smile

14 Last Call: Sweet Silence

An Aside:  My initial intent for using twitter was to jot down little ideas (I like to call them pom seeds) that could blossom into something more.  It's grown a bit since then to also include short verses (haiku, tanka, septolet, etc.) and unfortunately less pom seeds.  Anyway, it took one particular pom seed just over a month and a half to grow into what I had envisioned when I first tweeted it (a poem called Sweet Sweet Silence).  What was interesting about this particular seed was the potential it had for taking on more than one flavor.  So prior to finally finding the footing I had hope it to have, it took on two other forms, which I've decided to share here today.  The first is actually a similar concept in a short form (more of a brush of the lips).  The second one definitely has a different twist.

---

---

Kiss Me Senseless

if i threaten to ramble on endlessly,
will you promise to silence me again
with your lips on mine?

Sweet Kiss

her words hung in the air
harsh, bitter, and cold
like icicles ready to drop
their points aimed directly at him;
the silence echoed
as the last word left her lips.
she stepped toward him
leaned in and kissed his cheek;
her lips curled into a evil smile
upon seeing her blood red imprint.
still he stood there
as though petrified by her words;
she turned to walk away
her tongue casually slipping
out across her top lip
in along her bottom lip.
a small giddy laugh
escaped past another smile
as she bit her bottom lip
thinking how sweet revenge tasted.

---

This is my offerings for this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

8 Last Call: Forest Fears

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Forest Fears

I keep hugging this tree
as the world spins by;
when will someone find me?
is this where I’ll die?

As the world spins by,
I hold every breath—scared—
trapped in my mind’s eye
where too long I’ve been snared.

When will someone find me—
take my hand and lead,
for I’m too lost to see
past the fears I breed.

Is this where I’ll die—
caught in the spiderweb,
unable to fly—
my mind lost to its ebb?

---

An Aside:  this piece stems from a pom seed written back in June.  It was shortly after this pom seed that I managed to find my way back here to ...don't open...don't throw away....  I went into hiding for awhile (a year if I wish to be more accurate) unable to handle the socio-neti-phobia.  While the focus of the poem and pom seed are different, there is an obvious link between the two.

A Form Aside:  the above is a quadrilew.  It's an interesting form relying on both syllable count, rhyming, and repeating lines.  

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This is my offerings for this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

6 Last Call: The First That Wasn't

The First That Wasn't by rmpWritings

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The First That Wasn't

Is is possible to know heartache
when you have never known love? 

My reflection stares back at me
searching...

I think back to the us that wasn't;

might I be different
had you stopped talking about 'what-ifs'
and just took action?
might I see myself different
had you not opened your mouth with words
but opened mine with yours?

Was this the beginning of the end
when there was no beginning to start with?

I think back to the first kiss that wasn't
searching for an answer,
searching for a scapegoat.

My reflection stares back at me;
sorrowful eyes searching within me
pondering 'what-ifs'
instead of taking action.

Is it possible to know love
when you've never known heartache?

---

This is my offerings for this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight. 

1 Batch #8

Bursting with Pom Seeds
(image by rmp, that's me)

Wow!  It has been almost a year since I did my last Pom Seed update.  I suppose my (partial) hiatus from all things (online) social put a small dapper on things.  There really has not been too much to add.  In finding my way back into the blogging world, I have found use of several pom seeds over the past month.  I have also managed to add a few tweetoetries lastly. 

Just a quick refresher on what a pom seed is:  little tidbits of inspiration that come about yet have not grown and developed into something more--what that more might be, well that's the fun of it.  For more on pom seeds, you can check out the Pom Seeds page which goes into a bit of detail about how these came about and check out some of the pom seeds that have yet to burst.

While originally my batches only presented the new and 'leftover' pom seeds, it has grown into including tweetoetry and ramblings.  As for the ramblings....sometimes they have the potential to be a pom seed and some a tweetoetry; ususually at the time I jot them down they don't feel like much of either.  Unfortunately, this ends up making my batches quite long.  To cut down on this, old ramblings and leftover pom seeds will be listed if they grew into a tasty treat; the rest will be delegated to the Pom Seeds page.  As always, tweetoetry is only new.

Anyway...here goes...

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Pom Seeds Batch #8

• I want to cry like a waterfall; I want to cry like the clouds in a thunder storm
• wake me from this nightmare; breathe life back into my bruised and battered soul; I am lost and fading fast
• whose to say what will rise from the ashes; the mystical wings of the phoenix; the untapped beauty of Cinder-Soot (this one sprouted wings in From the Ashes)
• your piercing gaze; disturbs my equilibrium; I teeter between who I wish you to see; and who I am beneath the surface (this one found balance in Beneath the Veil)
• the world melts away; whenever my eyes meet yours; I am swept along; lost in a sea of regret; floating endlessly (this one found shore in Adrift in Regret)
• social endeavors; breed paranoid delusions; in whispers and taunts; unheard words that brush the neck (this one found itself lost in questions with Irrational Illusions)
• I've taken time to breathe; stilled my tapping fingers; capped my quill's inkwell; only to find myself suffocating (this one sprouted into Drowning in Words)
• still; I hold each breath; as tears perch; on my eyelids

Ramblings (bold = new; italics = became a poem)

• uncertainty troubles the mind 
• I need to get out of my head ~ stop festering on those things out of my control 
• he walks backwards / along a fine line with ease / not batting an eye / through his omission
• ~ I'm tired ~ tired of smiling ~ it takes too much energy ~ wears on me ~ eroding me from the inside out ~
• sleep evades my tired body ~ dancing before my eyelids ~ taunting my restless mind ~ I so long to just...
• senses flare ~ with every breath we share (this one sprouted into a Framed Couplet called Falling Deep)
• weep with me until every last tear is wrung from your dehydrated body (this along with the three that follow stitched themselves together in Longing for Someone)
• walk with me until the soles of your feet are stripped raw to the bone
• wail with me until your lungs can no longer bear the fire searing their walls
• Am I the only one who finds the silence deafening?
• I'm not sure this 'quiet' suits me.  My voice is having a hard time finding its footing--the words keep slipping away unable to take hold.
• I'm trying to find my way back.  I can't keep hugging this tree hoping someone will find me.  (this one--or at least part of it--grew into a quadrilew in Forest Fears)
• I need to get out of my own head!
• lock the door to your heart ~ I have a tendency to escape (this one unlocked itself in Your Open Heart)
• I just had a conversation with myself ~ the men with straightjackets must be salivating at the mouth (this one and the next two worked themselves together into When They Come)
• when they come to take me away ~ will the padded cell be firm enough ~ to protect my mind from bombarding thoughts
• when they come to take me away ~ will the straightjacket be strong enough ~ to protect me from my mind

Leftovers

• my mom use to say; we're never lost; we're just misplaced (this one navigated itself into Direction Impaired)
• what will become of me; when I squeeze; the last bit of ink; out of my veins (this one spilled forth into Bleeding Black)
• I'm not a shot of coffee; there when you need a pick me up; I'm not a 24 hour convenience store; open to satisfy your midnight cravings (this one frothed up in Booty Call--Outgoing Message)

  

Tweetoetry

#84

~Laugh or Cry

so horribly wrong
I cannot help but laugh
at the absurdity
for fear I might cry


#85 (haiku)
~Dreams

whispering winds creep
along weeping willow trees
stirring wonderous dreams


#86 (haiku-ish)
~Will

"as you wish" echoes
stitching up a wounded heart
proving true love lives

#87
~ identity = zero ~

add me to the equation
and nothing changes
like a mirror
I reflect
what you expect to see
I'm worth nothing
zip
zilch
nada


#88 (haiku)
~Gossip

cool passing winds spark
whispers amongst the leaves--
gossip burns her ears

  

#89
~To Grow and Expand

as we grow each day
spaces between
me

  

  

&

  

you
need to be filled
for love to expand


#90 (haiku)
~Graceful Wishes

dandelion seeds
dance along gentle breezes--
wistful adagio


#91 (haiku)
~Lunar

I go through phases
a loon-er cycle of sorts
offset by the moon


#92
~Awaken Me

will you sing to me

in tongues
only my heart
will understand?


#93 (septolet)
~Flow Once More

I miss
the words
that once tickled
every sense.

fingers itch
to rediscover
them.


#94 (haiku)
~Departure

there's a storm brewing
thunder rumbles annoyance
at lightenings leaving


#95
~Snap Shot~

his focus has shifted
making me blurry eyed in the background
as he imprints her image across his heart


#96
~Fare Thee Well

wake me
when the hour for goodbyes
has passed
so I might let go of you
in my own time


#97 (tanka)
~ Glass Box ~

always on display
forces cautionary tales
meand to hid what's real
flash photography reflects
the images painted on glass


#98 (senryu)
~Small Please

did she take one look
and hear large when I ordered
listening with her eyes


#99
~Crunchy

creepy critters crawl crazily
'cross cresting creeks
craving cranberry crepes


#100
~ bitc[beach x]

Really!?!
Did you know it's summer,
a weekend and sunny?
Traveling south is a beach!


#101 (tanka)
~Let It Pour

feel thunder rumble
frustrated with unshed tears
mirroring my mind
darkened thoughts rally against
raindrops frozen in tear ducts


#102 (septolet)
~Quench Me

your taste
lingers still
awakening
a biting thirst

inflamed lips
crave
your quenching kiss


#103 (tanka)
~Waves of Love

sunlight fades on us
as the sun kisses the sea
while lavish waves crest
our desire becomes unhinged
surging beneath the moon's glow


#104 (septolet)
~Warm Me

you slip
beneath the covers
of my heart

your warm
embrace
melting
my resolve


#105
~Iced Coffee

a headach brews
alongside caffeine
blood streams - screams
awaiting the elixir
to ice
eye-shattering pain
pouring over synapses

12 Last Call: Falling Deep

Falling Deep

Senses flare with every breath we share;
pent up hungers caught most unaware.
Every touch sends shivers—tender waves
bent on driving us wild ‘til we’re slaves
chained together by desires that singe;
claiming us ‘til we become unhinged.

Tensions build with every touch we dare,
rendering us free—no more despair.
Weeks of fighting fade; our fevered thirst
sweetens harsh words spoken at our worst.
Rapt, we find ourselves dissolving fast,
trapped within a love we know will last.

---

Note on Form:  This is my second go at framed couplets.  Starting and ending a line on a stress throws me off a bit--not really sure why--but in the end, it think it sounds pretty nice.

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This is my offerings for this weeks dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight. 

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8 Last Call: Booty Call--Outgoing Message

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Booty Call--Outgoing Message

I'm not a shot of espresso,
there when you need a pick me up;
I'm not a 24 hour convenience store,
open just to satisfy your midnight cravings.

I'm a desirable woman--
passionate...crazy...beautiful;
I'm a goddess meant to be savored day and night--
my own needs catered to with an intense fervor.

Take me as I am--all of me--
or accept nothing--not one thing.
I deserve far more than you've been willing to give.
So man up, if you dare.  Leave your heart at the beep.

---

I have to say that these pom seeds have really been coming in handy as of late.  They're like juicy little kernels of inspiration waiting to be consumed and savored.  What I find interesting with this particular pom seed is that I'm not sure where my original thoughts were; I could extract any memory of what might have inspired this one, but still I think what it grew into works well.  I did make a two slight tweaks to the original in order to accommodate the desired syllable count.

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This is my offerings for the dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

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5 Last Call: Your Open Heart

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Your Open Heart

If you have any hope of keeping me,
be on your guard should love begin to shape
for in my heart I'll be already packed.
So lock the door and throw away the key!

I have a tendency towards escape--
to throw up walls--for me to run and hide.
Be on your guard when love begins to shape;

for once within your heart I won't unpack--
when it comes down to sharing what's inside;
you need to realize this simple fact.

Just lock the door and throw away the key;
I have a tendency towards escape.
You need to realize this simple fact,
if you have any hope of keeping me.

---

So, after my post where I gave form with both meter and rhyme a go, I decided to keep the rhythm going.  While this is not the same form (or technically any form for that matter though I have deemed it be called the Nota, formerly NAFF, 'cause I've written six poems now using this structure), it has a rhyming patter built in and I did my best to write in iambic pentameter.  I don't intend to move away from meter or rhyme for at least one (maybe if I'm brave, two) more poem.

---

It seems yet again I have found inspiration from one of my Pom Seeds.  I knew they'd come in handy!

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This is my offerings for the dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight.  If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.  

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An (Audio) Aside: I'm extremely upset; the online application I use to record, store, and embed from is closing down its advanced features, which includes the audio.  Now I have to work on finding an alternative. But it was an awesome application:  easy to record, easy to edit, easy to add effects, easy to create a final product, easy to embed.  And all of this in one place online and free.  Very depressing.

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3 Last Call: Longing for Someone

longing for someone.egg on Aviary.

---

Longing for Someone

she weeps 

silent tears

drenched 

in hollow fears

clinging to the hope

that someone hears

weep with me until every last tear is
wrung from your dehydrated body

she walks

lonely streets

tarred

with groundless deceits

praying for someone

to know her foot beats

walk with me until the soles of your
shoes are stripped raw to the bone

she wails 

anguished refrains

saturated 

in hardened pains

wishing that someone

might pick up her chains

wail with me until your lungs can no

longer bear the fire searing their walls

she waits

for peace

if you could just weep with me

(to) wipe away her tears

if you could just walk with me

(to) sync with her foot beats

if you could just wail with me

(to) release her chains

you might just set me free

---

In search of inspiration, I have turned once again to a pom seed (x3).  This is the second collection of three pom seeds turned poem.  And interestingly enough, they both have the same dual voice thingy going on.  Also, the first (When They Come) included a recording with a little audio toying.  This one I took a step further to include overlap in the stanzas....what fun!

Pom Seeds:  With Me

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This is my offerings for the dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight.  If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight. 

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2 Last Call: Direction Impaired

Direction Impaired.egg on Aviary.

---

Direction Impaired

Never lost -- only misplaced

I remember the lesson well,
the words spoken
upon encountering
a poorly posted detour.
It's all about retracing your steps
finding your way back--
locating that last identifiable marker
before all went south.

Never lost -- only misplaced

I can't begin to count
the number of times
those words
have echoed in my head.
It's all about remaining calm;
taking the next U-Turn--
making a K-Turn,
so you can reverse the traveled path.

Never lost -- only misplaced

But what...
                 what if you take too long
to realize you're misplaced?
                 what if you can't recall
every twist and turn?
                what if in retracing your steps
you end up in an endless cycle
passing the same landmark
over and over and over again?

Never lost -- only misplaced

I'm
       lost
and asking for directions
not an option;
there is no GPS for life.
So how do I find my way back?

Never lost -- only misplaced

Perhaps finding my way back
is
    the wrong direction;
perhaps my logic
is
    misplaced;
perhaps I need to stop trying
to find where I went off course,
but rather focus on where
I wish to be.

Never lost -- only misplaced

those words
                    keep echoing
in my head.

---

It took awhile for this pom seed to take root; I didn't use the original lines I thought I might, but we should just be happy it found its footing otherwise I would have had to write about paper towels.

Pom Seed:  Just Misplaced

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Having decided to hop back up on the stage, this is my offerings for the dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight.  If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.

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1 Drowning in Words

I've taken time to breathe--
stilled my tapping fingers,
capped my quill's inkwell--
only to find myself suffocating.
Once spilled words finding an outlet
throughout my bloodstream
swimming against the current;
along my nerves
surfing the tsunami's swell;
within my lungs
filling the empty caverns,
squeezing every ounce of air out.
With each stunted breath,
my fingers itch to dispel this poison
my inkwell longs to unleash its fury
allowing the words to pour from me
before I drown.

6 Irrational Illusions

irrational illusions.egg on Aviary.

---

Irrational Illusions

social endeavors
breed paranoid delusions
in whispers and taunts
unheard words that brush the neck
tickles which incite
involuntary cringing
where shoulders rise up
a manner of protection
from something not there
surroundings push in
like walls closing all around
stealing breath from lungs
while tears push to the surface
where clenched teeth push back
striving to maintain control
a steel composure
to protect from eyes not there
now the fight expands
to new social arenas
where fingertips touch the world
in fresh mediums:
chats, blogs, tweets, podcasts, emails…
an unending list
ripe for paranoid fancy
steeped in social angst
no longer felt in whispers
nor in “watching” eyes
but rather in the silence
a painful echo
driving irrational thoughts
emails of boycotts
meant to explain still voices
tweets unretweeted
reinforce perceived lacking
as the world shrinks in
the pressure expands tenfold
crushing from the inside out

---

i wasn't sure when i started this that it would end where i had intended it to start...i thought it would simply follow a parallel line of thought and i'd have to come back to the original thought in another piece. but it found its way back...strange really how things find there way. although technically i did not make way into the intended conclusion...just to the beginning...which i'm sure makes no sense to anyone but me since only i know the original intent.


anyway...this is my offerings for this weeks OpenLinkNight over at the dVerse~Poets Pub, an extraordinary place were an eclectic group of individuals come together to share and celebrate poetry.

5 Bleeding Black

bleeding black.egg on Aviary.

---

Bleeding Black

Words course through me
running the gambit through every vital organ;
intent on pulling the toxins from my body,
I bleed black.

Words collide within me
collecting the tainted emotions threatening me;
intent on healing my tattered mind,
I bleed black.

Words seep out of me
expelling the poison imbued in my very being;
intent on releasing my soul to breathe,
I bleed black.

This letting of words is my treatment…my salvation;
but with every bloodletting I am left to wonder.

What will become of me
when I squeeze
the last bit of ink
out of my veins?

(Will peace finally breathe life back into me
or will peace find me with the release of my last breath?)

I bleed black.

---

i've been sitting on "What will become of me / when I squeeze / the last bit of ink / out of my veins" for awhile now. Natasha Head's words for this weeks OpenLinkNight over at the dVerse~Poets Pub made me think back to this tweet that has sat waiting to find its voice. it was in the second stanza that i truly saw its light in the tag line of this blog, "this letting of words is my treatment...my salvation. it pulls all the toxins from my mind, body, and soul."

5 Adrift in Regret

The world melts away
whenever my eyes meet yours;
I am swept along
lost in a sea of regret.
floating endlessly.
Once words whispered drew desire,
like wind in my sails,
guiding me into your arms.
Every touch took me
along turbulent waters
where passion found course
wreaking havoc on my heart;
emotions ran wild,
steering me to another--
fear anchoring me.
on that day the winds silenced
and I found myself adrift.

---

i can't quite decide if this choka was ready to end here. FormForAll this week over at dVerse~Poets Pub had an article on Man’yoshu Japanese Poetry. having explored one of the two forms presented already (the tanka), i thought i might give the choka (or long poem) a go. i'm not sure i like the idea that it has no specific line restriction. it reminds me a bit of a ballad, though without the rhyming...they feel like they are meant to tell a story...but maybe that's just me.


anyway...i think for now i'll let it stand as is.

6 Beneath the Veil

Beneath the Veil.egg on Aviary.

---

Beneath the Veil

your piercing gaze
disturbs my equilibrium
I teeter between who I wish you to see
and who I am beneath the surface

Normally what lies beneath is easy to conceal
so weighed down by fears
ladened with numbing anxiety
she rarely sees the light of day
yet you
with your piercing gaze
dive straight into my core
pushing down appearances
ripping aside the veil of smoke and mirrors
exposing her to the light

your piercing gaze
draws me to the surface
untethering me from my fears and anxieties
allowing me to see me through your eyes

---

my small offerings at the dVerse~Poets Pub for this week's OpenLinkNight. 

side note:  i'm not sure what it is about today's recording, but i listen to myself and can't help but laugh at me...

8 From the Ashes

From the Ashes.egg on Aviary.

---

From the Ashes

surrounding walls protect like a double-edged sword
protection melds into suffocation,tarnishing every breath
desire swells sparking thoughts of freedom's flight
longing kindles within like a smoldering fire
but to put a match to this nest
to light this hearth on fire, burning down this cage
who's to say what will rise from the ashes
the mystical wings of the phoenix
the untapped beauty of Cinder-Soot
age old tales written of(f) by many
slanted, twisted and warped to suit one's fancy
who's to say what lies beneath
is true, unblemished, worthy of seeing the light
surrounding walls protect like a double-edged sword

---

i feel like there is an underlying theme in my poetry as of late...i suppose it probably speaks to my current state of mind...or lack there of.


i can't seem to break away from myself.  it would probably help if i forced myself to write more, but i am appear to be in a bit of a funk; so i really should be happy with the one poem (two if i'm lucky) a week thing i have going on.  after all it is better than nothing.


i'm thinking maybe i need to stop recording my voice for these OpenLinkNights.  one because i really dislike the sound of my voice...it is so not me.  i realize that most people to sound different when they hear their recorded voice, but i've actually had other people comment on how it doesn't sound like me.  two because i seem to have issues doing the recording at home and too often that is where (because i am a last-minute type of gal) i find myself putting on the finishing touches.


anyway...this is my weekly offering for the dVerse~Poets Pub.  if you haven't already been there to check out the talent individuals who walk through the pubs doors you may want to take a minute and see what they bring to the mic.

4 Worth

Worth.egg on Aviary.

---

Worth

how long will I wait for someone
to show me my worth
before I except the truth

what is the truth?
I know the right answer.

Who says?
Who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?

I says
that's who!

I know my worth,
yet still I wait for someone.

I can stare in the mirror
for hours on end
and still I wait for someone
to tell me I am beautiful.

Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

No one says
not a word either way.

I know it is what I see
what I believe
that is the truth,
but when silence haunts
the words I long to hear
seeing
believing
is not so easy.

when the time finally comes
to except the truth
what evidence will I have
to see I'm worth it
to believe I'm beautiful.

---

First, this has been such a crazy week that i almost contemplated skipping this weeks stop at the dVerse~Poets Pub for OpenLinkNight. Second, i was quite lost on what to write about. So in a last ditch attempt not to miss this week, i checked out my most recent pom seed post (Batch #7) and found the first three lines of this poem tucked in one of my recent ramblings. Strangely in the back of my head was the Selena Gomez song Who Says...it seemed quite fitting.


Side note: I really need to work on this last minute business. I seem to be making it in just before closing the last several times.


Side-Side note: For those brave enough to listen to the recording, please pardon my singing.

3 Batch #7

Bursting with Pom Seeds
(image by rmp, that's me)

i wonder if these batches are getting too long.  i should have predicted that would be the case as i began to add things (first Tweetoetry and then Ramblings).  maybe it wouldn't be so bad if i didn't keep all of the previous ramblings, but in a way they have the same potential as my leftover pom seeds...so keeping them seems right...but still...

after the last post, i created a new page to explain pom seeds.  i could use that page to maintain unused pom seeds (leftovers as i like to call them) and old ramblings.  i'll ponder that for the next batch; today i'll leave things as is.

so here goes...

---

Pom Seeds Batch #7

• I'm not a shot of coffee; there when you need a pick me up; I'm not a 24 hour convenience store; open to satisfy your midnight cravings
• I thought you could love me for who I am; and so I hid her from your sight (grew into an interesting little number and my second 'spoken word' poem, Flawed Love)
• is there something wrong with my genes?; they're made of the best material; composed of strong fiber; and yet upon inspection; they lack style
• I'm tired of this war raging inside; instinctively I fight; everyday; just once; I wish I could throw in the towel; losing should be so easy
• I stand; arms outstretched; face turned toward the weeping sky; her rage whips; tearing through my body; I cry with her; rage with her

Ramblings (bold = new)

• it's amazing how you can loose sight of something's true purpose when trying to conform.  (this popped into my head as i read over a poem that seemed to loose itself a bit as i tried to fit it to a form)
• how long will I wait for someone to show me my worth before I except the truth
• ~ content and happy are two different things ~ I'd be happy with just being content ~
• lock the door to your heart ~ I have a tendency to escape
• i could really use a hug right now!
• when words fail, a simple touch can steal the pain.  (oddly enough the essense of this ramblings found its way into a recent attempt at writing a Ghazal, With Words)
• I'm an outsider in my own life.  How is that possible?
• ~ random thoughts float about in my head ~ longing to spill out ~ but who would wish to listen ~ to such randomness ~
• silence can be just as profound as the perfectly spoken words (oddly enough the essense of this ramblings found its way into a recent attempt at writing a Ghazal, With Words)
• I just had a converstaion with myself ~ the men with straightjackets must be salivating at the mouth
• do I write the poem ~ or does the poem write me?
• i need a happy though ~ my lips long to feel the contours of a smile
• the taste of silence was never so sweet ~how many different ways can the above line be twisted?~ (i found two ways...which lead to three poems; Kiss Me Senseless, Sweet Kiss, and The Sweet Taste of Silence)
• why do I open myself up to a world that does not know me, yet knows me better than those who do
• my feet despise being confined ~ when the sun shines high in the sky
• can you see the lie behind my smile?  can you hear the pain hiding in my laugh?  (i'm not sure if this was meant to be a ramblings or a pom seed for i did not mark it appropriately and while i think i might have intended it to be a pom seed i have decided to place it amongst my ramblings)
• when they come to take me away ~ will the padded cell be firm enough ~ to protect my mind from bombarding thoughts
• when they come to take me away ~ will the straightjacket be strong enough ~ to protect me from my mind
• I taste a little bit of sunshine on your lips ~ a whole lot of tomorrows in your kiss
• fickle tears ~ they pour when sad ~ they pour when happy ~ they thunder when hurt ~ you'd think they'd pick an emotion and stick with it
• is it wrong that thinking about being happy makes me sad?
• I wish I had the words ~ to heal this wound ~ but they seem to elude ~ still I try ~ pouring out word after word ~ hoping I'll find the perfect mix (i feel like this could potentially stand on its own as a poem or act as a pom seed...)
• pathetic really ~ the way anxiety grips my heart ~ as I step outside myself ~ reaching out ~ to those on the inside of the circle ~ I skirt (could technically be classified as a tweetoetry, but...)
• ~ why do I live like this? one pill...many pills...I need to find an answer (thoughts of a poem lingered in my head upon writing this, With Every Word... In Every Action...)
• I don't have any thoughts lingering in my head ~ Is that what peace feels like? 
• ~ her giggles are like candy ~ 
• anxiety's peace ~ tastes like profanity ~ on virgin lips (thoughts of calling this a poem in its own right still linger)
• forgive my lack of social graces... (part of a recent ramblings post, social-less soul)

Leftovers

• Information overload
• I woke with rose colored glasses and the world was as only I could dream it to be
• my mom use to day; we're never lost; we're just misplaced
• i hate days like today; where i'm blindsided; punched in the chest; days when all i want to do is curl up into a little ball and disappear
• "you're growing."; am I? I don't think I'm growing; maybe just walking outside myself
• love is pain and sorrow; wrapped in disguise; it laughs at me; with its sweet intoxicating lies
• I see myself in black & white; brilliant colors surround me; poke at me; eager to caress me with their warmth; but they bounce off of me
• I will live forever like this; in shadows of who I long to be  
• I walk in a world not my own; but of my own making
• what will become of me; when I squeeze; the last bit of ink; out of my veins
• my heart quakes; earth-shattering tremors; only I can feel; course through me; I search for safety; the open embrace; of...

Tweetoetry

#56 (haiku - ish)
~Senseless

your whiskers tickle
brushing kisses on my skin
tickle me senseless


#57
~Seductive Sleep

sleep kissed my eyelids
with the gentle touch of a lover
seducing me into its warm embrace


#58
~Shock Me

I grow tired of these platitudes
give me the harsh raw truth
tell me a whopper of a lie
be profound for once
shock me with your words


#59
~Death Sentence

when the death sentence came today
I wailed like a new born baby
for isn't birth
in its own right
a death sentence


#60 (senryu - ish)
~Should You Wish to Be Heard

speaking in whispers
captures their ears far better
than raised voices will


#61
~Kiss Me Senseless~

if i threaten to ramble on endlessly,
will you promise to silence me again
with your lips on mine?


#62
~threatening tears~

like an endless stream of tweets
self-deprecating thoughts
feelings of loneliness
depression filled tears
run rampant thru my head
threatening to retweet themselves
in my tears


#63, 64, 65
~Flaming Anxiety~

anxiety burns
scorching from inside
leaving a charcoal imprint
where my heart once stood

anxiety flares
searing me on the inside
painting my lungs black with smoke
'til my breath is raw

anxiety stirs
smoldering dark thoughts
sparking red hot explosions
'round my seething brain


#66 (inspired by a shed straw skin)
~All of Me

drink me in
drink all of me
sweet and bubbly
tart and tangy
savor me on your tongue
cleanse your pallet with me
then taste me again


#67 (haiku - ish)
~Take Me Away~

come take me away
i rather drown in your love
than suffocate alone


#68
~Beauty Within

I'm well versed in the beauty I possess
its form and measure long to break free
--without rhyme or reason--
of each well placed stress mark


#69 (tanka)
~Spinning Skies

diamond skies sparkle
reminding me of your eyes
when you look at me
I feel the planets align
while I spin out of control


#70 (haiku - ish)
~Tired Memories

is there a lesson
in the painful memories
that plague my tired mind?


#71
~This Is Only a Test

this is a test of the poetry tweeting system
if this was real poetry
it would be a weave
of tightly spun RT-inspiring words


#72 (tanka)
~Crashing Into You

when you smile at me
my heart knows no speed limit
still I fear crashing
as my world turns upside down
it's your hand I wish to hold


#73
~Searching for Inspiration

when will I
find inspiration
outside of
my tears and fears?


#74 (tanka)
~Caution to the Wind

I let myself go
ignoring all caution signs
where you are concerned
falling uncontrollably
my heart knows no speed limit


#75 (haiku / senryu- ish)
~Their Whispers:  Attack

words whispered near me
attack like a buzzing bee
I'm allergic to


#76 (senryu - ish)
~Their Whispers:  Paranoia

paranoia grips
a paralyzing vice
set in whispers


#77 (tanka - ish)
~Behind Bars

golden locks entice
off the straight and narrow path
'til I'm behind bars
singing like a canary
will never make you mine


#78
~Hopeful Love

my heart stutters
when you speak of love
continually hopeful
your gaze will find mine


#79
~Suffocating Anxiety

fierce turbulent waters tug
adrift in an ocean of thoughts
suffocating waves of emotion
I can't escape


#80
~Pinochle Love

he trumped my heart with a spade
gathered me into his hands
tossing me on a pile of tricks

mine
was not
the only heart
he took


#81
~Moon Light

the moon has finally returned
like a lost sailor finding his way home
he brightens up my stormy night


#82
~Sleepless Thoughts

my mind races
eyes unable to focus
on thoughts speeding past
eyelids searching for a rest stop


#83 (tanka)
~Flush Lips

sweet and succulent
you linger on my taste buds
a delicate treat
my flush lips savor the thought
of feeling your brazen kiss