My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Friday, August 12, 2011

3 WIth Words

it feels like it has been forever since i last toyed with a new form of poetry. dVerse~Poets Pub FormForAll presented an article by John Alwyine-Mosely on the Ghazal.  this is not the first time i've seen the form (my exploration of Shadow Poetry has brought about quite an array of form poetry, but never had i felt the urge to try a ghazal), but such an in depth description of the form has me feeling the itch to see how badly i can mess up poetic form. hopefully i didn't fail it too badly. so without further ado...

With Words

I get lost so easily in words;
transported by the perfect words.

How profound can one appear to sound,
when they command the spoken word?

When escape is more than I can hope;
I loose myself in written words.

Should I hold my tongue or speak aloud,
unhindered by forbidden words.

Silence maybe just as strong a sound
as fiercely thought-provoking words.

Should I find that all else fails to hold,
I'll always have the strength of words.

I realize that I did not include my name (in some form) within the last couplet. I could rewrite the lines...

"Should I find remembrance fails to hold,
I'll always have my prescoius words."

...but I'm not really sure "remembrance" counts even though it captures the meaning of my name. so what I need to decide is whether it works better as is or with the altered lines. I'll have to think on it.


  1. Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. Please note, I'm only commenting on the use of the form so other than a gentle nod to your content I keep away from a workshop style critique. I am drawing on Agha Shahid Ali's, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. Now back on to your poem.

    1) Association
    One of the key factors of the form - traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And standalone as the order should not matter. These are standalone and interchangeable.

    2) Theme
    The first couplet usually sets out the theme of the poem which is about language and its power.

    3) Couplets
    A nice sequence of couplets but they mostly enjambment. Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather than the norm. You don't refer to the narrator/writer in the last couplet. You dont have to have a real name so you could put as you suggest what you word means.

    4) Rhyme and refrain
    In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. You have a refrain of words but no internal rhyme.

    5) Metre
    I'm not sure what you have gone for as the beats and meter seem to shift from couplet to couplet.

    In short, your poems has many features of the classic tradition.

  2. Ahaaa... tribute the mightiest weapon of them all.. a WORD!! Lovely!

    As for the the last stanza contemplation, IMHO, it is all wonderful since it is from heart... :)

  3. I like this a lot, rmp.

    Silence maybe just as strong a sound
    as fiercely thought-provoking words.

    This is so true and a magnificent point to make! But for us writers silence is often impossible, eh? ;)