My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Friday, August 20, 2010

0 genuine hope

The clock's ticking echoed through her brain.  She sat back in her chair, closed her eyes and let out a sigh.  This is crazy.  She thought to herself.  Her fingers moved caressingly over the folder that sat on the desk.  Never before had she felt the need to peek.  Peek, a sigh of laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head, please.  He had invaded her thoughts constantly.  No matter what she tried to do to distract herself, he weaseled his way into her thoughts.  She wanted more than anything to know him--know everything and anything about him.  The folder wouldn't answer all of her questions, but it was a place to start.  

She shook her head.  This isn't just crazy;it is absolutely insane.  I should just cancel.  Her chest tightened at the thought.  While a part of her rationalized it was the smartest thing to do, especially after engaging in activities outside of the research center, she so enjoyed the way he seemed to make her feel.  She had smiled and laughed.  And they were completely genuine.  It was selfish of her to want more of that.  Canceling would provider her with an opportunity to get to know him outside of the folder and outside of the touch.  Eventually, they would touch.  Eventually, things would change.  But it would be so nice to just get to know someone for once.  

The knock at the door disturbed her thoughts.  "Yes," she called out.

Marc opened the door and popped his head in.  "I just wanted to remind you that your appointment is in fifteen minutes." 

She swallowed back the words that loomed on the surface of her tongue.  "Excellent.  Thank you, Marc."  Marc smiled and closed the door behind him leaving her with the sound of the clock ticking away.  Another sigh escaped her.  That too was something she found herself doing a lot of over the past few days.  She looked up at the clock, fifteen minutes.  A smile pierced her lips.  She leaned forward, picked up the folder and filed it back in the drawer where it belonged.  Maybe I'll get lucky and we'll go another session without touching.

0 awkward silence

"So, that wasn't so bad was it?"  Jaycie waved goodbye to James's friends and turned toward him. 

"I think your definition of so bad and my definition are slightly different."  She watched as his brows raise and his lips twitched into a small grimace.  Who was she kidding?  The truth was that she had finally--for once in her life--felt normal.  Yes, her nerves had wreaked havoc on her throughout the entire evening and would continue to do so for the next several days as she played everything over and over again in mind, but she had smiled.  A smile for her was a rare and potentially extinct creature.  Strange how since meeting James only yesterday she had smiled more than probably her entire lifetime.  

A sigh escaped her lips.  "It wasn't so bad.  I actually had a very nice time."  He smiled and gestured with his arm for her to begin walking.  She started off in the direction of her car, acutely aware of his presence next to her.  "Your friends are very nice."

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.  I would say you made quite an impression on my friends, as well."  She felt the tightening in her chest as her brain twisted his words.  He must have noticed the look on her face, because he was quick to expand his statement.  "Lucy is usually very quite around new people, but with you, it was as if she had known you forever.  And Marc," they came to a stop in front of her car, "well let's just say he definitely enjoyed matching whits with you.  All in all, I'd say you fit in quite nicely, though I had no doubts that you would."

She smiled.  "Thank you."

"Your welcome."

They stood there for a moment in silence, save for the slight sound of her car door unlocking as she pressed the button.  Jaycie stared at the keys in her hand.  It had been a long time since someone had walked her to her car.  She shook the erupting thought from her mind.  This is crazy.  Your acting like this is a date.  And it is most definitely not a date.  She looked up from her keys to find James studying her.  Her heart squeezed reacting against her will to his gaze.  Jaycie cleared her throat.  "So, I'll see you Thursday, then."

"Yeah.  Thursday."  For a moment, it looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just smiled and took a step back.  

A small pang of disappointment at his retreat took her by surprise.  "Okay, then.  Bye."  She turned, open her door and climbed in.  He raised his hand, with a slight wave, she heard him say goodbye as she pulled the door close.  He took another step back as she started her car and put it in gear.  As she started to make her way out of the parking lot, she glanced back in her rear view mirror to find him still standing there were she had left him.  She smiled at him in the mirror, a mixture of sadness and excitement mingling in her veins.  Until Thursday, she thought.