0 Reinventing Myself

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw


every day i have searched
endlessly and with quiet resolve
i have searched
within 
without
and all about
i have searched
and nothing
i have found nothing
every day i have pondered
tirelessly and with quiet resolve
i have pondered
inwardly
outwardly
and all around
i have pondered
and nothing
i have uncovered nothing
every day
for nothing
i have searched and pondered
when i should have been reinventing and creating

0 Music To My Ears

Such a sweet sound
it tickles my ear like a laugh
drawing me in, it opens my heart
how she purses her lips
lets the air begin to flow
and whistles a tune of happiness

Small little burst of happiness
found in the sound
that erupts in a steady flow
of giggles that turn into a breathless laugh
she looks at me and covers her lips
and I feel the swell of my heart

Tiny little hand curve into a heart
in her effort to share her happiness
she takes her hand to her lips
blows me a kiss without a sound
as I catch it to me, she tries to hold back the laugh
while I work to control the emotions that wish to flow

Her laughing fit causes the tears to flow
the beating of her tiny heart
speeds up with every laugh
leaving her breathless with happiness
and I cherish the sound
that continues to pour from her lips

A soft spoken song escapes her lips
as she dances, her hips flow 
such a sweet sound
she begins to belt out the words straight from her heart
her eyes closed in a her world of happiness 
and I feel the need to laugh

Just a simple laugh 
a smirk of the lips
all in the name of happiness
she has no fear to hold back the flow
she lets all the feeling in her heart
with such a whimsical and enchanting sound

I get caught in the sound of your laugh
it tugs at my heart and pulls at the corners of my lips
tears threaten to flow as you pull me into your happiness

---

so i decided to try something a little different...something a bit more happy.  for inspiration, i challenged myself with another new poetic form, sestina.  it was a bit tricky to figure out the pattern of the words, but when i went back to check that i had the words in the right order, i figured out how the pattern actually worked.  believe it or not, the order from one stanza to the next is not arbitrary.  

0 haunting my thoughts...

"happiness is mood not a destination"

i can't speak for others, but i suppose i do look at happiness as a destination.  somewhere i need to get to.  something i need to reach for, look for, strive for.  if i get this...if i do this...if i don't do this...if things go as planned...than happiness will follow.  and i don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.  i guess the problem comes when happiness fades and disappears.  when reaching 'happy', it is as though you finally made it.  that all your worries and fears can subside.  but it's a mood.  and like all moods it comes and goes.  if there are enough 'happy' things in our lives than the shift from unhappiness to happiness will not take long.  if by default you are a happy person, everything you are surrounded by makes you happy and you have a fullfilled life, than the mood switch won't last and you will find yourself in happiness.

my problem is my general mood state is not 'happy'.  for me happiness is fleating.  even surrounded by things that would make a normal person generally 'happy', i am stuck in the world of unhappiness.  so i look forward to those moments...that pitstop along the road of life that provides me with a genuine feeling of happiness.  like most pitstops they are short and distance between is greater than you'd like. 

"happiness is a mood not a destination."  hmm...