0 wish to be seen

I enjoyed him
thoroughly and completely
he saw me for who I was
helped me to see me for who I was
his words forced me to face myself
expose the fears that hold me back
with him I was alive and whole
and have give anything if he were real

0 Crux

Tears spilled like crazy
streaking my cheeks
converging at my lips
the taste salty on my tongue

Tears spilled like crazy
from fear and anxiety
that binds me
a helpless soul of nothing

Tears spilled like crazy
my thoughts turn to the future
how will I survive
I can only fake so much

Tears spilled like crazy
how do I get past the insanity
it can not be explained
and so I am alone

Tears spilled like crazy
with the knowledge
that I will always be alone
bound by this pathetic phobia

0 Encounter #52...continued...

[She held out her hand to him.  The right corner of her mouth twitched into a half smile.  He lifted his hand toward her, but stop an inch away from touching it and withdrew his hand.  He looked up at her; his brows drew in.]

Him:  I'm sorry.  This all just feels weird. 

[She looked at him without saying a word.]

Him:  Maybe we could just talk for a little bit.

[She rested her hand back on her lap, a small sigh escaping her as she did.  Then a inaudible laugh escaped her.  She shook her head and smiled, one that actually reached her eyes.]

Her:  We can talk.  But I warn you it has been a while since I had a normal conversation with someone.  I might be a bit rusty at the whole small talk stuff.
Him:  It's like riding a bike, it comes back to you pretty easily.  How about I start?

[She nodded.]

Him:  How long have you been doing this?
Her:  Wow.  I think it has been almost two years.
Him:  How many guys have you do it with?  Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that.

[She smiled.]

Her:  It's all good.  Um...you would make 52, so 51.
Him:  51, exactly?

[She nodded.]

Him:  Any you know the exact number off the top of your head because...
Her:  Well, each of the sessions, as I believe you were told is recorded.  After each session, I transcribe what took place.  Before I 'do it' with a new person, I file all of the previous sessions and begin a new dossier.  Yesterday I started folder number 52.
Him:  What's in my dossier so far?
Her:  Your application, which includes your family history and your medical history. 
Him:  So you already know more than any of first date might.
Her:  Yes and no.  I don't really like to read all of that information up front.  I prefer to...
Him:  To...what?