It has been following me around all day. Profanity spews from my lips. This new method of expelling my excess anxiety has been with me for about a year now. I do have some semblance of control over it. I am always alone when the words leave my mouth. Though twice today I muttered it under my breath with another present. Odd, I am not really someone who curses. When I was younger, my friends use to know that I was really upset, annoyed, or bothered by something if I were to curse. That really hasn't changed much. If anything, the older I get the less I curse. Save for this new ailment.
I don't know that the curses help any. But the tension with in me just seems to push to the surface and for some reason cursing at myself has been the outcome. It has actually been a while since I last had an attack like this. I am frustrated and annoyed and mad. Mostly at myself for allowing this to win. I know that it is my choice to allow things to go on as they are. I make excuses for myself. I know I have to make changes; I just don't seem to possess the...well, I'm not really sure what it is I don't possess. Maybe if I knew I wouldn't still be so messed up.