My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

0 Letter #1: Walk Away

Dear Lover,

A bit optimistic really, 'dear love'.  Actually not just a bit; more like profoundly optimistic, but if not for the slight glimmer of hope, I am not sure I would still be.  Part of me clings to the idea that you might truly be out there somewhere.  The romantic in me might regard you as Mr. Right or my soul mate.  I cannot tell you how many times I have probably dreamed you up.  Of course in all of my versions of you, I could place within you all of the personality traits, all of the thoughts, all of the characteristics and all of the truth I wished.  But that is for another day; today I am providing you with the first insight into my trouble being.

So, if you are reading this, then somehow you have managed to break through my defenses.  More unbelievable is that I have actually found someone who is interested in me.  These letters you are about to read are a window into my soul.  I have I am certain tried multiple times to diswad you.  I have informed you of my emotional instability.  You may have even managed to catch a glimpse or two of that very insecurity.  The truth is you have barely scratched the surface.  You can not begin to understand what you are really asking of me.  These letters, in a way, are a test.  Will they make you feel sorry for me?  Make you want to fix me.  Will they open your eyes to the fact that I am really more work than I am worth?  Make you understand that there is no fixing me.  Will you realize that in time I will only get worse and eventually I will bring you down with me? 

I suppose if you have set yourself to the task of really seeing me that I am using this as a last effort to scare you away.  Because you...us...terrifies me.  The only reason I can even imagine that I might have even let things get this far is need I have tried very hard to bury and shut off.  This would be a really good time for you to stop and walk away, because truth is (a) it is probably best and (b) should you actually read a letter beyond this point and decide as is best to walk away, I am not sure I will recover.  And well me giving you these letters means that you have showed (while I personally don't believe it is true) that you truly care.  And if you care than you would not wish to hurt me.  So last chance...hand the stack of letters back to me now and walk away.

With Love,
D