Each waking moment is like a nightmare
constantly running from the unknown
perpetually bombarded with foreboding
every turn seems more treacherous
and yet there is nothing out of the ordinary
life is simple and safe and all around
but still there exists a longing
a strong desire to escape the torment
to find a way to wake from the nightmare
a way to be free of the fear and anxiety
the chains that chafe at continually present
binding me to an existence I wish to let go of
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
0 anticipation
His simple statement, spoken with such confidence, lingered with her. She could not believe that she actually double checked her appearance in the mirror before leaving her room. It was crazy how he had managed to get under her skin. As much as she hated to admit it, there was a part of her that hoped she might run into him again. Not that she would actually agree to have dinner with him, but the idea of talking to him again brought a smile to her lips. It had been a while since she had smiled. That was one of the reason she had taken this trip. She was not really much of a traveler. If she went anywhere, it was because someone had manage to convince her to join them. And yet here she was in a strange country all alone.
Being alone was not her favorite thing to be. She hated the idea of going out by herself; hated eating by herself; disliked going to the movies by herself. How she had managed to convince herself to travel alone in foreign country was beyond her. The truth was she knew she needed to get used to being alone. After all, that was her destiny; she could feel it all the way to her core. She didn't like it, but she had way too many issues to deal with that bringing anyone else into her world would be cruel.
She pushed the elevator button again knowing full well it would not cause the elevator to arrive any sooner. Her gaze clouded over as she thought back to her encounter yesterday. His sexy little smile haunted her. She remembered the small feeling of embarrassment that ensue when she caught herself checking out his retreating figure. He was a beautiful male specimen; not a species she was use to dealing with. She laughed slightly to herself; she wasn't use to dealing with any one of the human persuasion, male or not. Except for kids, which probably explained her current vocation as a teacher. Ninety percent of the interaction one had to deal with as a teacher was with students. Adults were a nuisance that was relatively easy to avoid.
The ding of the elevator as it reached her floor brought her back from her trance. She shook away the feeling of anxiety and tension that had been festering since he sat down across from her. The doors opened and she stepped into the empty elevator. Empty, she thought as the doors closed. A sigh escaped her as she thought about the poignancy of the simple word. As she caught a glimpse of herself in the elevators shiny metallic walls, she was reminded of the effort she had taken in readying herself this morning. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips as an image of him appeared before her. If anything, the promise of his words would give her something to daydream about.
Being alone was not her favorite thing to be. She hated the idea of going out by herself; hated eating by herself; disliked going to the movies by herself. How she had managed to convince herself to travel alone in foreign country was beyond her. The truth was she knew she needed to get used to being alone. After all, that was her destiny; she could feel it all the way to her core. She didn't like it, but she had way too many issues to deal with that bringing anyone else into her world would be cruel.
She pushed the elevator button again knowing full well it would not cause the elevator to arrive any sooner. Her gaze clouded over as she thought back to her encounter yesterday. His sexy little smile haunted her. She remembered the small feeling of embarrassment that ensue when she caught herself checking out his retreating figure. He was a beautiful male specimen; not a species she was use to dealing with. She laughed slightly to herself; she wasn't use to dealing with any one of the human persuasion, male or not. Except for kids, which probably explained her current vocation as a teacher. Ninety percent of the interaction one had to deal with as a teacher was with students. Adults were a nuisance that was relatively easy to avoid.
The ding of the elevator as it reached her floor brought her back from her trance. She shook away the feeling of anxiety and tension that had been festering since he sat down across from her. The doors opened and she stepped into the empty elevator. Empty, she thought as the doors closed. A sigh escaped her as she thought about the poignancy of the simple word. As she caught a glimpse of herself in the elevators shiny metallic walls, she was reminded of the effort she had taken in readying herself this morning. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her lips as an image of him appeared before her. If anything, the promise of his words would give her something to daydream about.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
0 seriously?!
"Seriously?" She looked at him in a bit of disbelief. For one, something like this never happened to her. She just wasn't the type of girl to catch someone's eye. Secondly, she just couldn't imagine that someone would have the gall to ask out a perfect stranger after only a five minute conversation.
He shook off her puzzlement and leaned back in the chair. "Why wouldn't I be serious?"
She stared at him for a moment taking in his casual mannerism and his confidence. The two qualities were an attractive combination, not to mention the fact that he was positively gorgeous. She pushed her thoughts aside and focused on the question at hand. "Look, disregarding the fact that we just met and know nothing about each other, I am not interested." She could see him beginning to lean forward and open his mouth to day something. She raised her hand to stifle his rebuttal. "Seriously, I appreciate the offer, but in case you didn't pick up on it from what I said before, I am not really a people person."
His gaze penetrated her for a while as he contemplated how to proceed. "First, I find our meeting twice quite serendipitous. Neither of us looking for anything in particular, yet finding each other seems like a sign. As for not knowing each other, having dinner would most definitely remedy that. As for not being a people person, you seem to be managing my intrusion into your little solitary lunch with much class and little signs of stress." He leaned forward again. "Have dinner with me."
"Coincidence," she answered as she leaned back increasing the distance between the two of them. "There is nothing clandestine about us meeting twice."
"I disagree whole heartedly. It is more than coincidence. This is a big city. The chances of us bumping into each other is quite small." He reached across the table toward her hand, stopping just shy of touching her. "Would you find it more clandestine if we were to meet three times?"
She smiled and let out a small sigh of a laugh. "Are you hoping I'll say yes so that you can orchestrate our next meeting and thus trap me into having dinner with you?" She shook her head. The words that came out of her mouth next were a bit of shock to her. There was no doubt he presences was playing on her emotions. "How about this I'll promise to consider having dinner with you should we by chance meet again. That is the best you are going to get from me."
"So then, you'll have dinner with me."
He shook off her puzzlement and leaned back in the chair. "Why wouldn't I be serious?"
She stared at him for a moment taking in his casual mannerism and his confidence. The two qualities were an attractive combination, not to mention the fact that he was positively gorgeous. She pushed her thoughts aside and focused on the question at hand. "Look, disregarding the fact that we just met and know nothing about each other, I am not interested." She could see him beginning to lean forward and open his mouth to day something. She raised her hand to stifle his rebuttal. "Seriously, I appreciate the offer, but in case you didn't pick up on it from what I said before, I am not really a people person."
His gaze penetrated her for a while as he contemplated how to proceed. "First, I find our meeting twice quite serendipitous. Neither of us looking for anything in particular, yet finding each other seems like a sign. As for not knowing each other, having dinner would most definitely remedy that. As for not being a people person, you seem to be managing my intrusion into your little solitary lunch with much class and little signs of stress." He leaned forward again. "Have dinner with me."
"Coincidence," she answered as she leaned back increasing the distance between the two of them. "There is nothing clandestine about us meeting twice."
"I disagree whole heartedly. It is more than coincidence. This is a big city. The chances of us bumping into each other is quite small." He reached across the table toward her hand, stopping just shy of touching her. "Would you find it more clandestine if we were to meet three times?"
She smiled and let out a small sigh of a laugh. "Are you hoping I'll say yes so that you can orchestrate our next meeting and thus trap me into having dinner with you?" She shook her head. The words that came out of her mouth next were a bit of shock to her. There was no doubt he presences was playing on her emotions. "How about this I'll promise to consider having dinner with you should we by chance meet again. That is the best you are going to get from me."
"So then, you'll have dinner with me."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)