My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

0 i feel stupid...

every once and awhile, i wonder how effective my education was. i vaguely remember getting basic skills in mathematics when i was younger (and i still have issues with basic math...not too big of a deal when you consider i can solve a system of equations in three variables or find the roots to a polynomial expression where all but two roots are rational). where am i going with this...well, i have absolutely no memory of every receiving basic skills (what they tend to call 'instructional support' now a days) and if i'm being completely honest, my reading comprehension skills leave much to be desired. to truly comprehend something, i have to read word for word (most people read in chucks) and if i'm lucky i only have to read it two or three times the gist of what's being said. again, where am i going with this you might wonder...

i (if you haven't noticed) enjoy writing poetry. the trouble comes with the fact that i also enjoy reading it. so for someone who has issues reading and understanding things written in complete sentences, image what it is like when they're only fragments of thoughts strewn together to express a concept or idea. i find myself more times than not reading someone else's work and totally confused. i'll read it twice or thrice; i'll read through the comments left to see if i can glean something from the words of others; if i'm lucky those tactics will be enough. but sometimes i am left feeling as the title of this post states, 'stupid'. one might think not understanding a poem is no big deal...i mean really how many people in out there have an appreciation for poetry the way they enjoy non-fiction or mysteries or romances or science-fiction?

well, (1) I don't like feeling stupid, (2) i don't like feeling stupid about something i enjoy, and (3) how am i supposed to grow and learn as a poet if i have this block. Also (i suppose this could be called 4) i ready feel the pressures of social anxiety through my online endevours and i do my best (as i also do in the real world) to fight this by visiting other's blogs and leaving comments, but this problem of mind only works to heighten my anxiety--making me want to crawl back into my little hiding spot and disappear forever.

i think that's enough insight into my psyche for now...