2 sea of smileys

Sea of Smileys
(image by rmp, that's me)

Aug. 7, 2010 - hit post number 100 - "My One Hundred Post (Technically 97)"
Jan. 9 2011 - celebrated one year - "the past... the future..."
Feb. 2, 2011 - hit post number 200 - "Tinker"
May 7, 2011 - hit post number 300 - "sea of smileys"

I celebrated my 100th post by writings a pantoum.  I completely ignored my 200th post...well, not ignored really...just let it pass without acknowledgement.  I did celebrate one year awhile back.  That i did not allow to go unacknowledged.

so here i am typing away at my 300th post.  i'm not really sure why this should be an important post...i suppose it's because it's ends in zero...and we like to think of things ending in zero (or multiples of 25...of which 300 is both) as something special...a milestone...they even make special cards for birthdays and anniversaries...of course they don't go nearly as high as 300.  when do you think the greeting card company will catch up to the cyber-celebrations.  "Yeah, you just got your 1,000th follower...keep tweeting."  "Congrats on hitting 300 posts!"  "Do you really have 5,000 friends...didn't anyone tell you you can deny a friend request?"

anyway...i celebrate today with a "Sea of Smileys" cheering me on.

i couldn't help myself...i had to do a bit of math...

7 months (give or take two days) to hit 100
6 months (give or take five days) to hit 200
3 months (give or take five days) to hit 300

100 in 3 months...no wonder i'm feeling drained...no wonder my old friends, paper and pencil, are calling my name again...

6 interrogation

the thin vale of confusion slowly lifted
as the words finally began to soak in
every single nerve began to stand on end
never had a case of jitters been so bad
fear permeated the air throughout the room
suddenly he did not relish being cursed
with the dim brain and the foolish demeanor
that he now found himself at the mercy of
why had he not been graced like his twin brother
with a suave smooth-talking personality
this was far more than being in the wrong place
if only he could wrap his brain around it
pull the pieces of this puzzle together
his twin had the logical brain -- his twin...
like a lightning bolt the truth struck straight through him
there was no way out of this grand fiasco
for the intricate workings of his twins brain
assured he'd take the fall for an act not his

---

i really had no idea where i was going with this...but truly how often is that the case with Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>grace(d), jitter(s), thin].  (now that i think about it, i'm not really sure it makes any sense at all...)  anyway... for the fun of it, i included last weeks words (foolish, mercy, relish)...truth be told, i found myself using the word fool at first and suddenly it twisted into foolish followed by its friends from last week, mercy and relish.  i also (for the fun of it of course)--after noticing the first three lines somehow managed to have the same syllable count--decided to compose each line of eleven syllables (at least i tried, i'm too lazy to double check each line...).

6 the foreign language of friendship

the act of making friends does still elude
i've longed to feel those bonds surround my heart
and feel a part of something more than me
but social phobia has paralyzed
the very core of who i am and who
i wish to be.  still it is more than that.
low self-esteem does riddle me with doubts
my words are hollow, pointless entities
they add no value; that's what i believe
though i may try to disregard these thoughts
they haunt my every waking day and night
which means i don't reach out to those around
for fear they'll see in me my worthlessness
and who of them would take the time to break
the walls i've built so high and watch them fall
when alls i'll do is build them up again

---

above is my pitiful attempt at blank verse.  (pitiful 'cause of some weird nuances of mine and breaking thoughts across lines, but i'll get over it...i think.)  anyway...the above poetic form was presented in wonderful detail at One Stop Poetry's Form Monday.

stress and paranoia is starting to set in again.  i've been feeling it build and find myself having trouble escaping.  the crazy thing is it hits me on two fronts--in the world that surrounds me day and night (the 'real' world) and in the one i choose to enter (the 'cyber' world) searching for some semblance a peace which seems to elude me.  lately i've been contemplating the idea of friends in both of these worlds and have found...'friends' really is a foreign word to me--the making...the maintaining...more than i can handle in either of these worlds.  it's times like these that i think it best to exit this one (no panicking here i'm speaking of the 'cyber' one) and find peace once again in the form of pencil and paper...maybe that's not such a bad idea...

4 disillusioned

the sands of time slip casually through your fingers
they have tested you well
still you hold on to a dream

my touch should soothe and comfort
but instead it burns you raw
outwardly and internally

the love and adoration you see in my eyes
is a mirage--a lie your mind spreads
echoing the sounds of your heart

the truth is i cannot be tamed
winds blow endlessly carrying me forth
leaving you behind

sandstorms shift dunes
carving new paths
burying you in my unforgiving sights

don't try to understand me
rather shield your heart from me
as you have shielded your face from my brutal wrath

---

Photo by Rosa Frei

so two things came to mind as i pondered what i might write, "sands of time" and "mirage."  just seeing the eyes led me quickly to not a dessert mirage, but one seen in the depths of the eyes.  as i started thinking about where i was going, my first instinct was to speak of disillusioned love between two people, but the more i thought about it, i think the idea of the dessert speaking to a traveler seemed just as plausible.  so i tried to leave it open enough that it might be taken either way.  anyway...


inspiration for this post came from One Stop Poetry's One Shoot Sunday [interview with Rosa Frei].