the act of making friends does still elude
i've longed to feel those bonds surround my heart
and feel a part of something more than me
but social phobia has paralyzed
the very core of who i am and who
i wish to be. still it is more than that.
low self-esteem does riddle me with doubts
my words are hollow, pointless entities
they add no value; that's what i believe
though i may try to disregard these thoughts
they haunt my every waking day and night
which means i don't reach out to those around
for fear they'll see in me my worthlessness
and who of them would take the time to break
the walls i've built so high and watch them fall
when alls i'll do is build them up again
above is my pitiful attempt at blank verse. (pitiful 'cause of some weird nuances of mine and breaking thoughts across lines, but i'll get over it...i think.) anyway...the above poetic form was presented in wonderful detail at One Stop Poetry's Form Monday.
stress and paranoia is starting to set in again. i've been feeling it build and find myself having trouble escaping. the crazy thing is it hits me on two fronts--in the world that surrounds me day and night (the 'real' world) and in the one i choose to enter (the 'cyber' world) searching for some semblance a peace which seems to elude me. lately i've been contemplating the idea of friends in both of these worlds and have found...'friends' really is a foreign word to me--the making...the maintaining...more than i can handle in either of these worlds. it's times like these that i think it best to exit this one (no panicking here i'm speaking of the 'cyber' one) and find peace once again in the form of pencil and paper...maybe that's not such a bad idea...
haven't we all felt the same! and letcha in on a secret. . .it's not a pitiful attempt at all :)
ReplyDeleteMonty / bummy
It certainly is not a pitiful attempt at blank verse. Indeed it is quite good. Breaking thought across the lines predates its use in English as this was the elevated lines used in Latin and Greek and was brought over as such by the early English poets. Shakespeare and Milton both broke to great effect. This form will sustain for book length and has.
ReplyDeleteYour work here is well structured; although I sympathize with the subject itself. It is difficult enough to have faith in one's own work, but it must be miserable to be so shy and so lonely as not to break out of the prison walls one has built for oneself. I well know it happens. I wish I had an easy fix to break them down. I think as they're built of real materials each individual has to bulldoze them for him/herself.
Poem really well written in form! Excellent.
PS Write in whatever media fulfills you. But continue to post. You may not need cyber friends but it's comforting to know you have readers. I think your work is quite good.
ReplyDeletehelp others freely
ReplyDeletewith compassion emerge as
indispensable
/hugs
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Happiness
I can relate to this. Writing is therapy for me - paper and pen more so than online but it is nice to connect with others that love to write as much as I do. I don't have anyone like that in real life.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I learn so much from others online and I know my writing helps others at times, too. Some tell me so and others don't.
Sometimes what we do isn't for us at all but for the greater good of the whole plan...
many blessings,
sheila
I feel your poem deeply. I have been where you are and fight daily to keep away from such fears. You express it brilliantly and therefore prove the falsity of the things you fear. Well done.
ReplyDelete