the act of making friends does still elude
i've longed to feel those bonds surround my heart
and feel a part of something more than me
but social phobia has paralyzed
the very core of who i am and who
i wish to be. still it is more than that.
low self-esteem does riddle me with doubts
my words are hollow, pointless entities
they add no value; that's what i believe
though i may try to disregard these thoughts
they haunt my every waking day and night
which means i don't reach out to those around
for fear they'll see in me my worthlessness
and who of them would take the time to break
the walls i've built so high and watch them fall
when alls i'll do is build them up again
above is my pitiful attempt at blank verse. (pitiful 'cause of some weird nuances of mine and breaking thoughts across lines, but i'll get over it...i think.) anyway...the above poetic form was presented in wonderful detail at One Stop Poetry's Form Monday.
stress and paranoia is starting to set in again. i've been feeling it build and find myself having trouble escaping. the crazy thing is it hits me on two fronts--in the world that surrounds me day and night (the 'real' world) and in the one i choose to enter (the 'cyber' world) searching for some semblance a peace which seems to elude me. lately i've been contemplating the idea of friends in both of these worlds and have found...'friends' really is a foreign word to me--the making...the maintaining...more than i can handle in either of these worlds. it's times like these that i think it best to exit this one (no panicking here i'm speaking of the 'cyber' one) and find peace once again in the form of pencil and paper...maybe that's not such a bad idea...