My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

0 words escape me...

I give up.  It is not in me at the moment.  I wish I could find it.  I wish I could dig up the words buried deep within.  Unfortunately, I cannot.  I am at a lose, which is nothing new really.  Maybe if I am lucky it will hit me when I least expected it.  I can only hope. 

Friday, June 11, 2010

0 if only i could...

Twice now I've started the week with an overwhelming desire to quit.  I sat at the top of the stairs with the anxiety twisting inside me and all I could do was wish for an end.  Unfortunately there does not seem to be an end in sight.  For as I sat there completely resolved to the fact, I should have known better.  By the time I made it to the bottom of the steps I knew I wouldn't quit.  I'm chicken.  That's the truth.  Also scared of the unknown.  Not to mention that I fear if I were to make such a life altering decision people would assume the wrong reason behind my decision.  So I'm left to continue on this path no matter how unhappy I may be with it.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

0 encounter #52

[She sat quietly in the chair look down at her hands and does not notice when he enters.  He watches her for a moment from the doorway without saying a word.  He steps in and clears his throat.  She looks up and a thin forced smile appears on her lips.]

Her:  Hello
Him:  Hi

[He walks over and sits down next to her.]

Him:  I'm James
Her:  Hi James.  How are you today?
Him:  Good.  And you?
Her:  A little tired.  It has been a long day for me.
Him:  I guess I'm not your first today?
Her:  Actually, you are.  I've just had a lot of stuff to deal with this morning.

[He nods.]

Him:  So how exactly does this work?
Her:  Pretty simple really.  We just touch hands. 
Him:  And then.
Her:  No one explained you this all to you?
Him:  Well there was some jumpy kid all hopped up on what I hope was caffeine or sugar.  He talked a mile a minute and I could barely keep up with him.  Before I could ask any questions, he pointed to the door and walked away.
Her:  I'm sorry.  The regular greeter is out today.  As for the jumpy kid, I'm sure he's hopped on both. 

[He smiled and gave a bit of a laugh.]

Her:  As far as I understand it, my experience is a bit different than others.  I guess it just comes with the territory.  For you it is pretty simple; it is kind of like watching a movie on fast forward and every once in a while things play at normal speed.  You don't really feel anything, outside of normal emotions you might have while watching a movie and then that is only when things occur at normal speed.
Him:  It's different for you?  Do you mind if I ask how?
Her:  I don't mind. 

[She looked down at her hands, flexed her fingers, then turned her attention back to him.]

Her:  I feel everything.  Every emotion.  Every touch.  Every thought.  It matters not whether I'm in fast forward or regular motion.  I experience it all as though I were right there in that moment and in that time.
Him:  Seriously?!?
Her:  Yes.
Him:  That has to suck!
Her:  Yes, more than you know.
Him:  So why do you do this?
Her:  I have been wondering that myself lately.

[Silence drags on for a good minute.]

Her:  So are you ready?

[He looks at her, studying her closely and hesitates.  She stays silent.]

Him:  I guess.  If you are.