it has been a long and trying week; i took this theme down a path it was not expecting to go (nor i'm sure that it wished to go). but this letting of words has always been my salvation; it pulls from my mind, body and soul all of the toxins that threaten to overpower. so please forgive me the turn i have taken here (in anticipation of Jingle Poetry's Poetry Potluck [Peace, Relaxation, and Spirituality]).
Forgive Me
why did You make me?
what purpose could it possible serve?
was i the punchline to some joke?
was i the result of a lost wager?
were You intoxicated? drunk of Your ass?
am i the pawn is some twisted game?
are You waiting to see how long i'll play
before being sacrificed?
why did You make me like this?
cursed with selflessness, when all i wish is to be selfish;
boiling in constant turmoil, when all i wish for is tranquility;
burdened with endless pain, when all i wish is for peace.
i've checked the footprints in the sand,
there's only one set;
i've measured them,
their breadth, width and depth,
and they are mine, and mine alone.
all of this You have given me
this burden i carry alone
and still
i believe
still
i am filled with hope
still
i push forward praying
for the day i'll find balance
praying
that i'll finally understand
praying
that it is all worth it.
and i suppose that at least
i have that to be thankful to You for.
but You must forgive me,
because You've made it very hard for me
to be thankful
to You.
this poem haunts me in a way i cannot explain. part of me wishes to wash it away. delete it as though it never was. i find myself struggling with its existence...odd when you consider that it speaks to my understanding of my own existence... maybe my problem isn't with the poem so much as the opening up for others to see. i'm torn...erase from existence, hide away from the world and myself, or let go...
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
0 decision averted
She stared at blindly ahead. Her focus shifting from the door to Maurice's Cafe to the vacant space in between. Mindlessly she unfolded and folded the note that she had long ago memorized. This is crazy, she thought as a sigh escaped her lips for perhaps the hundredth time today. She looked down at the note in her hand. It was hard to fathom that someone could plague her mind this much, and without having experienced his touch. Staring blindly at the words on the note she tried fruitlessly to figure out what it was about him. Maybe it was a simple as the fact that he genuinely seemed to want to get to know her. Most people just wanted what her touch could offer; and were disappointed by the experience. She didn't want to disappoint him. The idea that she might pulled at her chest.
This is crazy, she thought again and tucked the crinkled note into the pocket of her jeans. She placed both hands on the steering wheel trying to ground herself, maybe getting ready to start the car up and leave as she aught to, and maybe fortifying herself as she summoned the nerve to open the door and make her way across the street to the cafe. Just as her eyes closed, a knock startled her out of whatever decision she was going to make. She glanced across the passenger seat to find James smiling at her through the window. He raised his brows and glanced at the window. She barely hesitated before pressing the button. Her breath seemed caught in anticipation as the window slowly lowered.
"Hey," he said as the window finally touched down. "Coming in," he asked as he nodded ever so slightly to Maurice's. "Or you going to sit here a while longer in debate?"
Her breath finally came back to her with a little laugh and a smile that seemed so less scarce when he was around. "I haven't decided yet."
Jaycie watched him nodded in understanding. His gaze turned to the ground outside the door, as he contemplated her words. A pang of loss poked her at the loss of his stare. He shrugged and then extended his arm through the window and across the passenger seat toward her. "Coffee?"
She looked from the cup he offered to him and back again. "Thank you," she said as her hand rose to take the cup from him. Her gloved fingers lingered ever so slightly as they brushed against his on the coffee cup.
He raised his own coffee, "cheers." She smiled and drank in the warm liquid as he did the same. As the cup pulled away from his lips, he glanced down as the passenger seat and raised he brows questioningly. "Do you mind?"
She unlocked the door in respond than watched as he folded himself into the seat next to her.
This is crazy, she thought again and tucked the crinkled note into the pocket of her jeans. She placed both hands on the steering wheel trying to ground herself, maybe getting ready to start the car up and leave as she aught to, and maybe fortifying herself as she summoned the nerve to open the door and make her way across the street to the cafe. Just as her eyes closed, a knock startled her out of whatever decision she was going to make. She glanced across the passenger seat to find James smiling at her through the window. He raised his brows and glanced at the window. She barely hesitated before pressing the button. Her breath seemed caught in anticipation as the window slowly lowered.
"Hey," he said as the window finally touched down. "Coming in," he asked as he nodded ever so slightly to Maurice's. "Or you going to sit here a while longer in debate?"
Her breath finally came back to her with a little laugh and a smile that seemed so less scarce when he was around. "I haven't decided yet."
Jaycie watched him nodded in understanding. His gaze turned to the ground outside the door, as he contemplated her words. A pang of loss poked her at the loss of his stare. He shrugged and then extended his arm through the window and across the passenger seat toward her. "Coffee?"
She looked from the cup he offered to him and back again. "Thank you," she said as her hand rose to take the cup from him. Her gloved fingers lingered ever so slightly as they brushed against his on the coffee cup.
He raised his own coffee, "cheers." She smiled and drank in the warm liquid as he did the same. As the cup pulled away from his lips, he glanced down as the passenger seat and raised he brows questioningly. "Do you mind?"
She unlocked the door in respond than watched as he folded himself into the seat next to her.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
4 Assaulting Colors
colors seem to be following me
this morning I woke to a pink sky
greeting me like a breathless sigh
this evening I fell asleep with an orange moon
soothing me like a gentle tune
and in the in-between
colors flare to life
piercing my sights like a rusty knife
they blaze strong and bright
stopping me in my tracks like a red light
i watch blue seep forth
draining the heart of all the hurt
until it was dry like a desert
i catch green peeking out
driving a wedge between friends
that needs to be cut away like split ends
i find red surge forth
dragging the good down a path
lethally toxic like a god's wrath
colors seem to be following me
this morning i woke to a pink sky
that whispered peace like an easy lie
this evening I fell asleep with an orange moon
that laughed at me like a crazy loon
and in the in-between
colors flared to life
assaulting me like an ugly strife
they blazed strong and bright
haunting me like someone with a second sight
i think i pushed the limits a bit with this one as far as fitting the theme for Poetic Asides' Wednesday Prompt of 'burn'.
this tasty morsel was a direct result of my first pom seed. i had thought it might join with my fourth pom seed, but in the end it joined forces with a newer pom seed: "colors seem to be following me; this morning I woke to...; this evening I fell asleep with...; and in the in-between..."
i think i'm enjoying this whole pom seed concept...thank you to Poetic Asides' guest post by Sage Cohen and her acorns...
this morning I woke to a pink sky
greeting me like a breathless sigh
this evening I fell asleep with an orange moon
soothing me like a gentle tune
and in the in-between
colors flare to life
piercing my sights like a rusty knife
they blaze strong and bright
stopping me in my tracks like a red light
i watch blue seep forth
draining the heart of all the hurt
until it was dry like a desert
i catch green peeking out
driving a wedge between friends
that needs to be cut away like split ends
i find red surge forth
dragging the good down a path
lethally toxic like a god's wrath
colors seem to be following me
this morning i woke to a pink sky
that whispered peace like an easy lie
this evening I fell asleep with an orange moon
that laughed at me like a crazy loon
and in the in-between
colors flared to life
assaulting me like an ugly strife
they blazed strong and bright
haunting me like someone with a second sight
i think i pushed the limits a bit with this one as far as fitting the theme for Poetic Asides' Wednesday Prompt of 'burn'.
this tasty morsel was a direct result of my first pom seed. i had thought it might join with my fourth pom seed, but in the end it joined forces with a newer pom seed: "colors seem to be following me; this morning I woke to...; this evening I fell asleep with...; and in the in-between..."
i think i'm enjoying this whole pom seed concept...thank you to Poetic Asides' guest post by Sage Cohen and her acorns...
5 FIT
FIT
tantrum
conniption
he ranted and raved
when his janky car stalled;
abashed she scooched down to hide
"scene as explosive as fireworks"
decided to play with a clarity pyramid as i tried to figure out how i'd bring together the slang words put forth by Three Word Wednesday [3WW=conniption, janky, scooch]. i guess it work out okay. i'm still toying with another idea i had for the three words...maybe later they'll come together...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
11 Our Hearts' Refrain (Revisited)
| we were forbidden to speak forbidden to meet one another's gaze but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by archaic laws laws created to keep bloodlines pure pure of the taint our union would bring | |
we were forbidden to touch forbidden to dance in one another's arms but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by our hearts hearts that refused to bend bend to the elitests' views of lineage lineage we would dilute with our coupling | |
we were forbidden to meet forbidden to be alone with one another but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by our love love that grew from our hearts' desires desires that knew nothing of ancient laws | |
we were forbidden to love forbidden to share our lives with one another but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by truth truth that our destiny is ours' alone alone for us to choose and follow follow to the ends of the earth together | |
i let it stew for a bit (see original Our Hearts' Refrain)...in the end i embedded four additional stanzas using a variation on loop poetry...the four new stanzas could too probably stand on their own...i can't decide if i should let them stand together or separate them into their own entities. for now i'll let them blend...
while inspired by Jingle Poetry's Poetry Potluck [Language, Signs, and Signals], it did not ripen in time for this past Monday's post...strangely enough, i think it might still fit with this upcoming Poetry Potluck [Rules, Regulations, and Laws], we'll have to see if it ferments in time...
0 Our Hearts' Refrain
 |
| Two Hearts Rising (image by rmp, that's me) |
forbidden to meet one another's gaze
but what stolen glances could not sustain
our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain
...
we were forbidden to touch
forbidden to dance in one another's arms
but what stolen glances could not sustain
our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain
...
we were forbidden to meet
forbidden to be alone with one another
but what stolen glances could not sustain
our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain
...
we were forbidden to love
forbidden to share our lives with one another
but what stolen glances could not sustain
our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain
i'm torn between posting this now or waiting and letting it stew for a bit. part of me feels it can stand alone as is, but another part of me feels the need to fill in the untold story...i just haven't quite put my finger on what that story is...so for the moment it will stand as is...though i have a feeling i'll be revisiting it shortly...
while inspired by Jingle Poetry's Poetry Potluck [Language, Signs, and Signals], it did not ripen in time for this past Monday's post...strangely enough, i think it might still fit with this upcoming Poetry Potluck [Rules, Regulations, and Laws], we'll have to see if it ferments in time...
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