My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Friday, January 28, 2011

6 forgive me

it has been a long and trying week; i took this theme down a path it was not expecting to go (nor i'm sure that it wished to go).  but this letting of words has always been my salvation; it pulls from my mind, body and soul all of the toxins that threaten to overpower.  so please forgive me the turn i have taken here (in anticipation of Jingle Poetry's Poetry Potluck [Peace, Relaxation, and Spirituality]).



Forgive Me

why did You make me?
what purpose could it possible serve?
was i the punchline to some joke?
was i the result of a lost wager?
were You intoxicated? drunk of Your ass?
am i the pawn is some twisted game?
are You waiting to see how long i'll play
before being sacrificed?

why did You make me like this?
cursed with selflessness, when all i wish is to be selfish;
boiling in constant turmoil, when all i wish for is tranquility;
burdened with endless pain, when all i wish is for peace.
i've checked the footprints in the sand,
there's only one set;
i've measured them,
their breadth, width and depth,
and they are mine, and mine alone.

all of this You have given me
this burden i carry alone
and still
i believe
still
i am filled with hope
still
i push forward praying
for the day i'll find balance
praying
that i'll finally understand
praying
that it is all worth it.
and i suppose that at least
i have that to be thankful to You for.
but You must forgive me,
because You've made it very hard for me
to be thankful
to You.



this poem haunts me in a way i cannot explain.  part of me wishes to wash it away.  delete it as though it never was.  i find myself struggling with its existence...odd when you consider that it speaks to my understanding of my own existence...  maybe my problem isn't with the poem so much as the opening up for others to see.  i'm torn...erase from existence, hide away from the world and myself, or let go... 

6 comments:

  1. lovely message,
    welcome and thanks for sharing..

    A++

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  2. Wonderfully expressed struggle, one that many of us have experienced at one time or another... yet as in your words...

    all of this You have given me
    this burden i carry alone
    and still
    i believe
    still
    i am filled with hope
    still
    i push forward praying
    for the day i'll find balance
    praying
    that i'll finally understand
    praying
    that it is all worth it.
    and i suppose that at least
    i have that to be thankful to You for.
    but You must forgive me,
    because You've made it very hard for me
    to be thankful
    to You.

    Powerful write!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I enjoyed this very honest and moving piece.

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  4. Smart and creative work..... Keep writing.. liked your blog a lot!
    M.R

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  5. We all feel this way sometimes. Appreciate how honest you are here. A moving poem, which I hope contributes some to healing. Hang tough ... I've felt like a punchline sometimes too. Know that's no comfort, except mayb that you're not alone.

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  6. oh man...yeah....there are these questions i think all of us deal with on some level...our own insecurities and struggles....but i like that you keep on keeping on...in that there is hope...

    ReplyDelete