| we were forbidden to speak forbidden to meet one another's gaze but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by archaic laws laws created to keep bloodlines pure pure of the taint our union would bring | |
we were forbidden to touch forbidden to dance in one another's arms but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by our hearts hearts that refused to bend bend to the elitests' views of lineage lineage we would dilute with our coupling | |
we were forbidden to meet forbidden to be alone with one another but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by our love love that grew from our hearts' desires desires that knew nothing of ancient laws | |
we were forbidden to love forbidden to share our lives with one another but what stolen glances could not sustain our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain | |
we are ruled by truth truth that our destiny is ours' alone alone for us to choose and follow follow to the ends of the earth together | |
i let it stew for a bit (see original Our Hearts' Refrain)...in the end i embedded four additional stanzas using a variation on loop poetry...the four new stanzas could too probably stand on their own...i can't decide if i should let them stand together or separate them into their own entities. for now i'll let them blend...
while inspired by Jingle Poetry's Poetry Potluck [Language, Signs, and Signals], it did not ripen in time for this past Monday's post...strangely enough, i think it might still fit with this upcoming Poetry Potluck [Rules, Regulations, and Laws], we'll have to see if it ferments in time...
we were forbidden to love
ReplyDeleteforbidden to share our lives with one another
but what stolen glances could not sustain
our bodies spoke our hearts' refrain
well done, Thanks for linking.
A++
I like the we were, we are tension. nice
ReplyDeletewe are ruled by our hearts
ReplyDeletehearts that refused to bend
bend to the elitests' views of lineage
lineage we would dilute with our coupling
this stanza i liked, especially the line, "we are ruled by our hearts"
Very enjoyable. It kept making me think of 'Romeo and Juliet'!
ReplyDeleteRevising poems is hard work, do changes make them better or worse!?
http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/dark-teen/
Interesting poem and a smooth flow
ReplyDeleteits true " alone for us to choose and follow "
What is it about "forbidden" that makes us want it all the more?
ReplyDeletehttp://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/boundaries-jingles-poetry-potluck/
forbidden love, a torment!!!!
ReplyDeleteThought it could turn into a villanelle...nice write, cool! Happy potluck!
http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/
this to me is impressive! the repetitions hit the right notes that lends to the mood of your whole composition! here's my potluck for this week: http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/here-for-you/
ReplyDeletei love the way you showed both sides of this... this theme on rules is not my favorite, but i really love this one :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so true...and so beautiful...
ReplyDeleteNo matter what the rules/laws are, they cannot really curb the minds and hearts of an individual... they may curb the actions, but never the thoughts!
I could relate to this poem in quite a few ways :)... awesome!
A very special ambience you created in this poem with the help of playing with forms, ideas and vocabulary. Thanks for sharing, enjoyed it a lot. :)
ReplyDelete