My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

0 happy writings

when i was in college (freshmen or sophmore), i took part in one of those 'secret santa' things. the final gift i received from one of my floormates was very suiting. she gave me a journal for writing. she obviously knew enough about me to know i like writing and that i had a tendancy to write things on the sad side; inside next to the this journal belongs to, she added "only happy stuff." the journal is still empty.

i actually own a lot of journals. i'm not sure what it is about them; i see them in store and think they look so pretty and i know the potential they hold inside of them. most of them are empty; it is sad that the thought of that makes me smile and laugh at the similarity to myself...empty. i have picked them up, grabbed a pencil and sat down with the intent to write; sometimes i just pick them up with the thought of writing, but i don't.

here are these beautiful entities eagerly waiting to be filled and reach their potential and i can't do it. i'm feel lacking; 'you have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting' (a knight's tale). the fear of marring their beauty and their potential blocks me; i am unable to find my voice. maybe i need to do as i am here, forcing myself to put words together without fear of judgement; because after all who is going to find my words, my thoughts, my ideas of interest.