My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Friday, November 4, 2011

5 Adrift in Regret

The world melts away
whenever my eyes meet yours;
I am swept along
lost in a sea of regret.
floating endlessly.
Once words whispered drew desire,
like wind in my sails,
guiding me into your arms.
Every touch took me
along turbulent waters
where passion found course
wreaking havoc on my heart;
emotions ran wild,
steering me to another--
fear anchoring me.
on that day the winds silenced
and I found myself adrift.

i can't quite decide if this choka was ready to end here. FormForAll this week over at dVerse~Poets Pub had an article on Man’yoshu Japanese Poetry. having explored one of the two forms presented already (the tanka), i thought i might give the choka (or long poem) a go. i'm not sure i like the idea that it has no specific line restriction. it reminds me a bit of a ballad, though without the rhyming...they feel like they are meant to tell a story...but maybe that's just me.

anyway...i think for now i'll let it stand as is.


  1. the wind, water, passion, the longing and regret, it all works really blending into the vivid images you paint here

  2. I love the water inspired metaphors,
    "floating", "steering", "anchoring","adrift"
    A beautifully woven thread that tells a melancholy tale.

  3. You did tell a story - but the change of tense after the first five lines, from present to past, made a break in the flow, for me. I might be tempted to start with the sixth line, but re-jig the 5/7 pattern from that point?...

    "Like wind in my sails
    whispered words once blew desire
    into my being,
    guiding me into your arms
    etc,etc... Just a thought!? ♥

  4. the last 3 lines of this are just stunning...personally i love the water but it makes a great metaphor for your message...