i'm tired...
not physically (though i am that as well), but emotionally...
i can't handle this obsession that is starting to set in...these hopes and this anticipation that is met more often than not with disappointment. i wrote for my own pleasure...only caring about self-validation...now there is this whole new world out there that once again throws me into a world of judgment...
part of me wants to just make this blog disappear into the ether...so it is no more... to once again pickup paper and pencil where the only eyes i need worry about are my own...
it is so hard to ignore the irrational part of my brain...yet still i do. i still wonder what i'd be like if the left hemisphere of my brain were not so balanced with the right. i've talked before about my warring hemispheres (i like that, 'warring hemispheres'...i think there might be a poem in there) and my theory that my left-brain grew as a defense mechanism. but still...this battle is tiring...
and as much as i want to give in...let go...crawl away and disappear myself in the ether...i will continue...
maybe one day i'll find peace...
best wishes for the day, simply relax, rest, and worry free.
ReplyDeleteyou rock.
one thing never let the internet blog world take away what you love most..and thats writing...this is your home...thsoe outside ppl who wana judge sud turn around and walk away...all negativity should stay out of blog world...and believe me i have done the same and deleted and erased my first blog due to similar things...and since im back i just block negativity out and do what i love, just to write what is in my mind..cos thats what blogging is there for..to jsut open up without expectations..
ReplyDeletei truly enjoy ur poetry..never stop writing..
for me, it has been a great opportunity to practice being humble...and I need lots of practice :)
ReplyDelete