My heart stut-
ters; this cut burns
somewhat more than
I had planned. Still
I scan each soul
with one goal to
feel whole--knowing
this searching yields
nothing but pain.
I (if you have not already figured this out) am one of the many who find writing in form to be frustrating and painstaking. Still I enjoy the challenge (the same way I enjoy solving a good system of equations in three variables using augmented matrices...no serious I really do!). So I took up the challenge presented at dVerse Poets Pub FormForAll and wrote the above Than Bauk (more accurately a "chained" Than Bauk). To learn more about the form and check out how some quite talented individuals work through this very tight form hop on over to the Pub...
An Aside: I'm thinking this little number might fit very nicely with my "Diary of an Anorexic Love Life."
sometimes we find soulmates in the most unexpected places and moments and sometimes we search for years..can feel the pain in this..not easy..and hard once you found one, to lose again..
ReplyDeleteVery well done! Perfectly capturing the feeling of futile searching. And I do think this is a fitting addition to the "Diary . . ."
ReplyDeleteloved that you didn't let your words stop at the end of the line. this is a strong one, nicely done!
ReplyDeleteYou handled the form with grace, I too appreciated that the end of the line was not a full stop as it improved the flow.
ReplyDeleteI loved this as the form marries subject quite well here. I have decided you cut the first line to three syllables purposely as a symbol of something ripped away. Also one can interpret the dash as a syllable - a caesura if you will - where the heartbeat skips. The rest of the poem then beats regularly if more slowly again emphasizing loss and frustration. Excellent piece!
ReplyDeleteit is an interesting dichotomy....the search being what will heal us but also brings us great pain....nice depth of feeling in the form...and i like how you wrap words around as well...
ReplyDeleteI blinked when I saw the "missing" syllable of the first line. Yet the fact that it is missing is perfect for the write, especially as a break in that specific word. This is an excellent Than Bauk. The frustration in the write as poignant as the frustration of the process in writing.
ReplyDeleteAh, desperate love -- a desire to firm up one's self.
ReplyDeletePS : do you know that you have CAPTCHA activated for word verification. I had to try and submit this form 3 times. It is a pain. Please consider turning it off.
I can feel the yearning throughout this that you created very well in this challenging form. There's a lot of pain in the search...we would be much better off if we could find what is inside us that completes us...without need for finding something (or someone) outside of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI understand your feeling. The search is oftentimes difficult, and then all of a sudden someone can appear.
ReplyDelete(what is more difficult is trying to post this comment with your word verification..third try coming up.)
working with form can be quite restricting and feel your frustration as it's something I typically find occurring to myself a lot of times when attempting to work at the various forms. But the fact you motored through it here, and were able to create an incredibly satisfying piece, makes it all the more remarkable, and something you should certainly be proud of. I love the way you used enjambment and hyphenated words as part of your piece. Very nicely done. Thanks
ReplyDeleteBE GLAD
ReplyDeleteWhen you feel bad
about sad things –
be glad you do.
:-)