My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

2 Diary of an Anorexic Love Life

Diary of an Anorexic Love Life has been an ongoing project that started quite some time ago. It was given new life here on this blog, which has added an additional nine poems to the collection. They join a small collection of five seen below. I haven't quite figured out where things will go...I have an additional ten poems waiting with bated breath on the off chance I choose thier path for the conclusion.


Disclaimer:
Diary of an Anorexic Love Life is not about anorexia nervosa, which is a serious and grueling disease. Rather, it speaks to the heart of someone who has chosen to starve themselves of love.


Anorexic Love Life
The hunger eats away
leaving a pit
cravings overpowering
I’m starving
But I can’t quench it
The reflection stares back
leaving me ill
disgust at the sight
So I starve myself
pushing away
all that might help
this pain eating at me
I’m starving
longing to fill the emptiness
But I can’t
so to appease it
I eat
pouring myself into food
hoping it might do the trick
Still, I’m starving
starving to be loved
to feel someone’s arms
wrapped around me
starving to feel desirable
to feel the warmth
of someone else’s body
I’m starving
But I can’t let myself go
tied down by fear
wallpaper
upon wallpaper
upon wallpaper
put up by lack of interest
people have showered on me
so my image has become
encrusted
impenetrable on the outside
while leaving the inside
to erode away
longing for someone
to break through
But they won’t
I won’t let them
I steer clear of them
I starve myself
of something real
of someone real
I lay awake at night
the hunger burning inside me
and I ignore it
the loneliness tares at me
But I can’t mend it
All I can do
is starve myself
of love


Quest for Love
I don’t search
I fabricate
wild enchantments
carry me away
only to drop me
slapping me across
the face
with bitter reality

I can’t search
I am bound
wrought iron chains
shackle me tight
only to bar me
restraining me from
the discovery
of sweet reality


Warm Embrace
I’ve longed for a warmth
that would embrace me
wrap its arm around me
holding me tightly to it

There are times when
I can conjure it up
feel its soothing presence
pressing firmly against me

It lasts but a moment
comforting my body
before fading away from me
leaving me longing for its return

And so I wait patiently
basking in the warmth
of my imagination
fearing the real thing will pale in comparison


Escape
At night while I wait to fall asleep
In the car as I drive home from work
During quiet times in my busy day
I sneak away within my mind
Constructing with elaborate imagination
A whole new world to live in.
In this realm I can escape myself
Open myself up to a different me
When I’m there I can let go of my fears
walk about with confidence
It is there I can meet the perfect one
who will except me and guide me and love me
only there can I share everything
which burdens my soul and shatters my heart
Every night I travel out of misery


Wide Awake
I lay awake at night and dream
dream…
of a different me
a fun me
an outgoing me
a me that shines
as bright as the stars
in the sky

I lay awake at night and dream
dream…
of a simple touch
a gentle touch
a caressing touch
a touch that tingles
as it passes through every nerve
in my body

I lay awake at night and dream
dream…
of a mere kiss
a soft kiss
a passionate kiss
a kiss that melts
as it is felt deep down
in the tips of my toes

I lay awake at night and dream
dream…
of an image of you
a loving you
a compassionate you
a you that sweeps me away
as no one has ever done
in all of my existence

I lay awake at night and dream
dream…
of a life
a happy life
a fulfilling life
a life that exists
as real as the touch
as real as the kiss
as real as you
not in my dreams

2 comments:

  1. Wow!What a fine job you've done with this. Quite a collection. Rich. There's so much here I don't quite know what to comment on. I can't even say which one I like best. I like them all ...

    Fine job. Well done. Poem on ...

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  2. this was exuberant..it was so well written, the emotion was outstanding...knowing you wrote this form the depth of ur soul....i can say anything else youve blown me away with ur poetry...keep on penning...

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