My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).

...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

4 Falling: A Poem for Two (a poem in two voices)

as though trying to write a sonnet wasn't hard enough, i couldn't help but rip it apart into pieces for two.  so here is my sonnet meant for two voices.  i suppose you are wondering why i'd attempt a form i'm not so keen on...i guess i like a challenge...this one was offered up by Poetic Asides.


so back to the sonnet...i admit, for some odd reason in the back of my head i relate sonnets to love...so i stuck with that theme.  below it is presented in two fashions (the second is probably easier to read.  one in 'His & Hers' columns; anything appearing on the same line gets read simultaneously.  two in one combined entity; colors are used to decipher who is speaking and when (plus it looks more like a sonnet).  

(Added Note:  after much time has passed, I have had a chance to review my sonnet attempt only to uncover for it to be classified as such it needs some major work.  09/2012)


key to second presentation:  bothhimher


try reading just 'His' lines and just 'Her' lines....  i hope you enjoy this twist on a sonnet....



I must confess, you stole my heart at first sight I must confess, you stole my heart at first sight
your beauty drew me
a picture of true bliss
I couldn't look away
and my heart couldn't dismiss
the desire building
even had I tried to fight even had I tried to fight
In that moment I was lost in an abyss In that moment I was lost in an abyss
the world disappearing
all I wished was this
to feel you in my arms
never felt so right never felt so right
That day I stammered to catch my breath to speak That day I stammered to catch my breath to speak
words you would remember
words that filled my heart
your smile disarmed me
your eyes distracted me
so that words stumbled and I felt foolish and meek so that words stumbled and I felt foolish and meek
but with just one laugh
I knew I knew this was the start
of something wondrous
our love was meant to be our love was meant to be




I must confess, you stole my heart at first sight
Your beauty drew me...a picture of true bliss
I couldn't look away...And my heart couldn't dismiss
The desire building...even had I tried to fight
In that moment I was lost in an abyss
The world disappearing...all I wished was this
To feel you in my arms...never felt so right 


That day I stammered to catch my breath to speak
words you would remember...words that filled my heart
your smile disarmed me...your eyes distracted me
so that words stumbled and I felt foolish and meek
but with just one laugh...I knew...this was the start
of something wondrous...our love was meant to be

4 comments:

  1. I like this. I really, really like this. Thanks!

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  2. best regards ob love.

    hold on tight when it comes to you.
    well done.

    A++

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  3. Very interesting and imaginative.. and you have captured the subtle nuances of male / female feelings quite well and then in the end you have collated it perfectly... thanks for sharing an interesting and beautiful verse...

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/01/whispers-emptiness-and-soul.html

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  4. Hello, Thanks for the love to Poetry Potluck! You Rock!

    Awards 4 Poetry Potluck Week 22, Enjoy!

    Your contribution means a world to us, Happy Thursday!
    See you next time!
    xoxox

    ReplyDelete