i have not quite been myself since returning from my self-imposed exile from my online self. i most definitely have abandoned the blog rules is set for ...don't open...don't throw away... as a means to keep myself in check. they were meant to be a form of motivation and i think in the beginning they worked well. even at the one year mark, they were holding strong. but they don't seem to provide the same push as they once did.
maybe it's not them...in fact, it is probably not them, but me. i thought maybe to blame summer and the lack of routine that it brings about, but that would be a farce. (i really just wanted to use the word farce...i mean when am i ever really going to use the word farce. it is an interesting word...not one i hear that often.) i could use writer's block as an excuse, but really i don't feel blocked...just uninspired and uncaring.
i'm scared to abandon my rules completely. outside of the month of June, i've managed to maintain a descent number of posts even if i break the 'rules' in the process. it's just if i completely forgo the 'rules' i fear ...don't open...don't throw away... will soon see its final days.
my purpose for starting this blog has not changed. my need to keep this part of myself alive is essential. i just wish i could figure out a way to do that while removing the pressure and anxiety that has erupted when i truly opened myself up to the blogging world just under a year ago. maybe i should have kept ...don't open...don't throw away... under the radar. but there is definitely something to be said for knowing that there are people out there who for some crazy reason think you have something worth reading.
i don't know. i guess only time will tell. for now, i will forgive my disregard of the 'rules'. and revisit things when September rolls around and summer comes to an end.