Artist: Zac Brown Band (feat. Amos Lee)
Album: Uncaged
Genre: Country
Notes: There is something about the way he sings "a guitar in my hands." I don't really know why but I do. I had thought I might use that as my 'radif' (see information on form below), but I found myself instead utilizing a phrase from the line "I just kept chasing that melody." I even initially used 'that', but 'our' just felt a better fit by the time I uncovered the first stanza. Yes, in the scheme of things, I wrote four stanzas prior to coming back to the one that used the 'radif' in both lines. A couple of other lines from the song played into the poem, but for the most part the topic is not aligned with the song.
A Form Aside: This is a ghazal--more specifically it is intended to be a ghazal sonnet. This was not my first attempt at a ghazal. I tried one (back in August 2011). Normally I try to give a form several goes before I make a decision on it, which is why when it popped up at dVerse Poets Pub for their FormForAll, I thought I'd give it another go. Still not really sold on it, but...
Tune (Stuck Inside My Head)
I never shall erase our melody
nor could I dare replace our melody.
You are the only tune I care to know,
though I might have to chase our melody.
My fingers long to graze your skin
allowing me to trace our melody.
How long, I wonder, must I wait for you
to finally embrace our melody.
I know how fear can still the beat,
but please do not deface our melody.
Until the very end I'll sing of us
and strum across my bass our melody.
Guitar in hand with roses at our feet
together we'll retrace our melody.
my humble offerings for dVerse Poets Pub FormForAll. If you get a chance, check out what some amazing talents are doing with the ghazal form.
Oh, this is lovely and romantic.
ReplyDelete..I'd say a great attempt at that..melodious, if you don't mind a pun;_)
ReplyDeleteAh, this is another one of those ghazals that wouldn't be out of place as the lyrics to a song. Beautifully woven, and - as someone's said - melodious.
ReplyDeletemusic plays well with love...and well with the form...can def hear it in your words....truth be told i am not sold on this either...though looking at sams he def makes it sing...
ReplyDeletehappy weekend to you..smiles.
A wonderfully romantic melody ... I think it's a great ghazal
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely - the musical theme and the musical form go together brilliantly. I struggled more with the mood of the form than anything else, but you've also managed to capture the romantic love aspect well. Bravo and - dare I suggest - encore!
ReplyDeletenicely done. Love the focus on the musical aspect here, fits very nicely in this form and in love. thanks
ReplyDeleteMelodious ghazal! Enjoyed this :)
ReplyDeleteYou had it sorted very efficiently. I like the -ace rhyme you inserted in front ot the refrain.
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ReplyDeleteLoved your intro about your process and how you've yet to become fond of the Ghazal. Many ancient texts, and thus texts pretending to be ancient or God-inspired, use repetition. In songs, a refrain can be well done, but in poetry, a phrase scattered in each stanza can be very tiring. Nonetheless, like you I tried the form. I love experimenting with constraints.
In your second couplet, what is the difference between a tune and a melody. Perhaps you mean them the same or maybe not.
Do you play bass?
You did well with it -- and I liked the modern music analogy. The speaker sounds like the all-to-common theme of describing her male lover as "being afraid(fear) of commitment."
I'd love to do scientific survey to see the success rate of relationships where those sorts of males eventually join those lovers after years of hesitancy. My brother just did -- 17 years later -- but his testosterone levels are probably significantly lower and thus he is now a different, safer animal. ;-)
Thanx for letting me think.
This is beautiful ~ The allusion to music, bass and guitar are deftly done ~ Cheers ~
ReplyDeleteperhaps there will be song ghazals. you capture the wistful love for the poem.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful... and you make it seem so easy to write a ghazal.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautifully caring write. I like very much what you did with the form.
ReplyDeletefunny...we just got home and listened to zac brown band most of the way back....
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