0 love, hope and lonely

"at last / my love has come along / my lonely days are over / and life is like a song"

i don't sing, yet somehow these words continue to plague me;  luckily there is no one around as i belt them out.  maybe it's the desire that seems to be torturing me as of late.  i want my 'at last'.

i want to experience love...genuine reciprocated love.  it need to last; it could be fleeting; i just want to know that it's possible...that it exists.

i still carry hope within my heart.  i've lied to myself about being resigned to the inevitable; i'm not.  not yet, at least.  hope seems to be relentless; like a bad cold that won't go away.  odd that i'd wish it to go away.  but hope leaves you wide open to disappointment, loss, and pain.  i really don't need anymore of those things in my life.  i wish there was a cure, a little pill you could take to make it go away.  but what would life be like without hope.

i'm not ready to give up.  i'm not ready to resign myself to the possibility of nothing.  would it be easier to give it up if i knew the alternative was possible...if i were to experience the alternative no matter how brief?  if you know something is possible...if you achieve something...if you feel the accomplishment of something...do you need to repeat it?  i suppose i know the answer to that.  i suppose the answer will not be to my liking.

"at last / my love has come along / my lonely days are over / and life is like a song"

i get stuck on the word lonely.  i'm not sure if i find it or if it finds me that i'll be able to let it in.  lonely is a dear friend.  it is what i know.  it is who i am.  i'm not sure i can break up with lonely.

"but once you've learned to be lonely / and lonely is the only thing you've know / it begins to feel like home / it becomes your comfort zone"