Tuesday, February 12, 2013
15 Last Call: Love's Allure
Love's Allure
Love is pain and sorrow wrapped in disguise;
I hear its sweet whispers calling to me.
"Come to me my dear. Love is all you need."
And every time I fall into its trap,
it laughs at me with its seductive lies.
For far too long my heart has run carefree
unwilling to be tamed--that is until
I heard your sweet whispers calling to me.
With your enchanting words my world did still.
"Come my darling; my love is all you'll need."
Ensnared by this intoxicating thrill--
so easily--I fell into your trap.
I bared all of me and you drank your fill
then pulled back leaving my heartstrings to snap.
Love laughs at me with those seductive lies
knowing my heart has longed to be set free.
So softly, love calls, "I am all you need!"
then tugs waiting for my heartstrings to snap.
Love is pain and sorrow wrapped in disguise.
Inspiration for this piece comes from a pom seed written quite some time ago. Due to syllable count, I had to modify it slightly (replacing intoxicating with seductive), but I did manage to get my original word back into the piece in another spot.
This is the second time I've toyed with the expanded nota. I'm not really sold on this piece. Not 100% sure what exactly bugs me. I think part of it might be that the first and last stanza address love as a whole, while I chose to have the middle sections focus on a specific someone. I'm not sure they blend so well. I'll have to think on it, but for now it is what it is.
This is my offerings for this week's dVerse Poets Pub OpenLinkNight. If you get a chance, check out all of the talented poets who have stepped up into the spotlight.
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love is usually equal parts pleasure and pain...and sometimes it feels as if love places with us....def a relatable feeling you delve...smiles.
ReplyDeleteWow, a great story here. I like you use of the word "snap".. Exactly captures it.
ReplyDeleteLove makes us grow and growing can be painful. Really like the repetitions in this, works quite well.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was brilliant. And the read added tons! That bitter yet enticing voice -- still wishing love were more.
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved your "mistake" - when you paused:
"enchanted words" -- not 'enchantING'
Maybe your mistake was the better choice -- your brain letting you know.
Snap !
Aww! There is heartbreak here, but I also feel hints of hope that one day the love will be real and true and will not snap the heartstrings. Which is what we all want, isn't it? I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeletelove is many thing and most of them contradictions such as the lives that most of us lead. I relate to you being a solitary person but getting up in front of a class (read about you but found no where to comment)I, too, would rather be alone but have found at times that speaking and singing to an audience something I love.
ReplyDeleteYep. Love is an admixture of joy and sorrow...it's hard to find the balance of the give and take of it all sometimes. Wise poem.
ReplyDeleteI agree Love is many things there is pleasure, pain, happiness and sorrow this is so well done. If you have time please check out my entry for this week
ReplyDeleteWhy so many are afraid of love...you encapsulate that well. :)
ReplyDeleteLove is a strange mixture of pain and passion, joy and sorrow, receiving and giving - but without it, we would not be who we are.
ReplyDeleteOverall, this is a strong piece of writing. If I might suggest a couple of things...
OK, sometimes in poetic forms that require regular meter you can leave a foot out. A skilled reader will add the missing foot as a pause, so the meter is preserved; an unskilled reader probably won't notice the meter anyway.
The other thing is that I suspect that some of your lines are rhyme led, which leads to some unnatural word order. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.
Hope you find these thoughts helpful.
We've all felt that pain, experienced that sorrow...
ReplyDeletesometimes love can be good
ReplyDeletei agree that we grow through love
So true, and so very well said. Nice one!
ReplyDeleteLovely! I think your Expanded Nota makes a great songwriting format, I sang this piece several times and when I got the tune it really worked for me. I would like to see the word 'repeat' written after the last line, because as the first and last lines are the same it makes a natural chorus and thirty eight lines are plenty to make a decent song.Phew!
ReplyDeleteLove is a heady mix of pain and sorrow ~ Enjoyed this read ~
ReplyDelete