|My newest adventure is underway. It has lead me to take up residency in a new blog,|
Like the Feathers of an Arrow (affectionately known as LFA).
...don't open...don't throw away... is not disappearing completely (not yet),
but postings here will be limited.
Monday, July 26, 2010
0 Just to...
Inspiration: I'd Do Anything by Simple Plan
It had been a long time since she had last felt the need, the longing, the desire that overwhelmed her at this moment. She stood in front of the closet door, closed her eyes, and sighed. Her brain told her to walk away; it would pass. But her body disagreed.
With the shake of her head she pulled open the door and stared at the box. A chill ran through her. She couldn't tell if it was the fear of relapsing, if it was the desire that burned in her, or if she was simply cold. It didn't really matter. There was only one thing that could warm her. Unfortunately, she had walked away from that a long time ago. Too long ago to go back. Instead she would have to settle for what lay in the cardboard box she kept stuffed in on the shelf.
With trembling hands she reached up, clasped the handle and pulled the box to her. She held it close to herself, seeking the warmth of the memories it held. With slow careful steps she walked back to the bed. There as she sat perched on the edge, she begrudgingly separated herself from the box and placed it next to her.
Her hand smoothed over the top of the box like a warm caress. She shook away his image, an old faded photo of the past him that she probably wouldn't recognize today. Biting her lower lip, she ceased the lid, pulled it off and tossed it to the ground.
There it was sitting so neatly on top of all the old memories. A sigh escaped her lips and a faint smile pushed its way to the surface. Slowly she stood up from the bed and withdrew the faded blue button down shirt from the box. Slowly, savoring every moment, every caress, every tingle that sizzled though her body, she pulled the shirt on.
As she wrapped her arms around herself and gently squeezed, she could feel him again standing there next to her. She felt the strength of his arms, the heat of his breath and the warmth of his body against her. She pulled the box to the floor and climbed into bed carrying him with her. As she lay there absorbed in the feel, the smell, and the taste of him, she wished she could turn back time and mend what had been broken. Deep in her heart, she knew that she'd do anything just to fall a sleep with him.
She tilted her head to the side and slide her gaze slowly across the length of him. She could feel her teeth grating. It wasn't good enough. She had made changes. But still it wasn't right. He shifted quietly, the soft murmur of deep sleep escaped him. Her lips curved into a silent snarl. She concentrated on her breathing, trying desperately to calm the monster inside of her. The snarl evaporated and she found herself once again looking him over with hope.
Maybe, she thought for a moment. Maybe it's not so bad. Again he shifted, the covers slip slightly baring the top of the dragon tattoo that snaked up his thigh and over his hip. Her gaze fixated on it, boring in on it as though her gaze might be able to erase it. A low grunt escaped her lips, all wrong.
Her brows furrowed and her eyes glassed over as she realized she had failed again. All the effort she had put in. The new clothes, the new haircut, the new aftershave, all of it was right. That evening, as he stood there in front of her, he was perfect. When he stepped toward her, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, she could smell him, taste him, and feel him. But once she had stripped it all away and indulged herself, it was gone.
She pulled her purse up on to her bare legs and slid her hand inside. The moonlight that filtered in from the window glistened off the sharp metal surface. So close, she thought as she shook her head. Such a shame. If only he knew that she would do anything to hold him in her arms again...
He stood there decked out in a beautiful black tux. His eyes sparkled with the smile that seemed glued to his mouth. There was no doubt in her mind that this was the moment she had dreamed of. They had made so many plans when they were young. They had been wild and in love. The world was something they had intended on conquering together. Things hadn't gone the way they planned.
So much time had passed and yet when she saw him now, it was as though they had never been apart. The music started up, a tune she had long ago envisioned the two of them walking to. Everything was so perfect. His gaze was steady and strong, just like him. She got lost in him, entranced by the memories they had shared. When the line was finally uttered, she almost missed it. "If anyone should have reason for these two not to marry, speak now or forever hold your peace."
This was the moment she feared. She knew deep in her heart that she would give anything to grow old with him, anything for him to try to make her laugh for the rest of her life. But more importantly she knew she would give anything for him to be happy. She looked at him watching the way his eyes sparkled as he gazed into his future wife's eyes and knew she would have to find her laughter somewhere else.