i can feel it...i'm on a downward spiral...spinning faster and faster with every turn...i have no grasp...nothing to hold on to...my breath is being pulled out of me through this whirlwind...
my thoughts have traveled lately to the idea of disappearing...just up and leaving...going off somewhere where i can breathe, wrap my mind around things, and recreate myself...
i think about disappearing and not being found...
how do i leave no trace...how do i assure the things that need to be taken care of here are...how do i just vanish...
i think about disappearing and i wonder could i really do it...
how can i just let go of who i am...how can i walk away from those i love...how do i just leave them with questions...
i think about disappearing and the idea feels so good...
but how can i be sure that i'm not running from who i am, but rather discovering who i truly am...how do i make sure who i am doesn't follow me, doesn't latch on to me with its sharp claws and keep me from blossoming...
i think about disappearing and i know i'm not strong enough...not strong enough to change who i am...not strong enough to explore the possibility of who i could be...not strong enough to let go of the self that has become a type of security blanket...
i think about disappearing...
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