4 With Every Word... In Every Action...

I fear ridicule
like an arachnophobe fears the eight legged spider
deep in the vast space of my mind
I feel them staring at me
I see them waiting for me to mess up
I hear them laughing at me
deep inside the recesses of my soul
the idea of being mocked
criticized
looked upon as though I have three heads
feasts on me
with every word I speak
in every action I take

Every day I fight
like an underdog battles for dominance
deep in my mind I have my own cheer squad
they whisper to me every time I open my mouth
"Hiss, Boo, Bah"
their cheer sounds in my head with every move I make
"Hiss, Boo, Bah"
deep in my soul their chant echoes
the paranoia of being teased
taunted
followed by eyes I image are watching me
eats away at me
with every word I speak

in every action I take

I hope to be released
like an innocent prisoner absolved of his crime
deep within I rage against my mind to no avail
my eyes focus on the bottle
one pill might provide me relief
all pills guarantee the relief I seek
deep down in my soul I battle for control
the fear of letting go of control
admitting defeat
laying down my arms to something outside myself
tears at me

with every word I speak

in every action I take

I fear ridicule
it feasts on me
eats away at me
tears at me
Every day I fight
with every word I speak

in every action I take

I hope to be released

from the ideas that fester

the paranoia that consumes

the fear that binds

one pill

all pills

"Hiss, Boo, Bah"

the bottle holds no absolution for me

deep within me lies the answer

---

Inspiration for this post came in part from Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>absolve(d), hiss, ridicule] and in part from my recent exploration of phobias.