9 Sevenling (To my angel) & Last Call (At the Sidewalk Cafe)

Sevenling (To my angel)

To my angel (you know who you are),

Silence is golden, liberating & lonely;  

the latter is the most haunting.  

  

To my angel (for whom silence seems a new word),  

I was (am) content, satisfied, & appreciative  

to hide in the rarity of reciprocal visits.  

My dear sweet angel, thank you for carrying my voice through the doors.



Last Call (At the Sidewalk Cafe)

anxiety spikes
(unusually so as of late)
each time Mr. Linky
steps up to introduce me.

he looks at the note card in hand
announcing the next performer
and knowingly looks stage left.

the last time these spells arose
I disappeared – left – went into hiding.
scarcely a word escaped
leaving only silence in my wake.

upon return I waited for last call –
closing time, when most had come & gone.
leaving only a few stragglers to see my frays.  

how brazen I got
as time passed and words flowed;
it's like a roller coaster though – ups & downs –
but those drops lift me out of my seat.

so here I sit now at the sidewalk cafe
listening to the voices spill out the doors & 
tip my hat as they leave for the night.

& I scribble away in my notebook
for no one else but me
and the occasional passerby
who sits down with a smile to share.

---

another silent contribution....

they'll be opening up the doors over at the dVerse Poets Pub at 3:00 pm (EST), so if you get a chance to stop in, check out some wonderful talents showcasing their voices today and tomorrow.

12 Dee - p - Rest

From out of the blue
I feel them --
tears perched on eyelids.

A quiet settles
within;  a
hush before the storm.

Each breath stratigi-
cally  placed
to lesson the wrath.

I long to crawl up
-- disappear --
escape from myself.

But the past has shown
like a sinking ship
I must ride it out.

---

the above is a series of Kelly Lunes, aside from the last stanza.

another silent contribution....

if you get a chance, there are some wonderful talents showcasing their voices today over at dVerse Poets Pub for OpenLinkNight.

5 CIHTD?: Traffic Light ("It's over!")

Title:  Red Light
Artist:  David Nail
Album:  I'm About to Come Alive
Genre:  Country

Notes:  I mentioned in my last post I wanted to write about traffic lights....  So I went out and found a song that had a traffic light in it to lend inspiration for this week's CIHTD?.

A Form Aside:  Over at dVerse Poets Pub they have introduced a short little number called the cinquain.  I thought I'd give it a whirl.  I'm not the only one...so if you get a chance, check out some of the talents that chose to walk through the pub doors for this event.

Traffic Light ("It's Over")

stopped dead—
blood drains with words
no lies—no fight—just words
crashing down. light turns green; still I
can't move.

9 CIHTD?: It Brings Me To My Knees

Title:  Over and Over
Artist:  O.A.R.  (of a revolution)
Album:  King
Genre:  Rock

Notes:  It is the following lines that captured my attention, though really the whole song spoke to me:

     Why do I draw these line 

     They keep me out of reach 

     It's not what I wanted, no 

     but it brings me to my knees

I've talked about building walls in the past (in a poem or two); the idea of drawing lines--boarders so to speak--seemed to hit the same chord for me.

It Brings Me To My Knees

Stuck--as one tire spins in the mud
the other does nothing--that's me
stepping on the gas and going no where;
I'm baked and caked in this crud
with no way of escaping this cell.

I itch to break free
scribble outside the lines
drawn by my own hand;
this is no way to be
stuck out of reach.

Lost--that pesky rabbit's turned the signs
this way and that--my sense of direction
no longer pointing due north leaving me
no where; I'm sitting on the sidelines
of my own life watching it pass me by.

My destination
eludes my grasp
so turned around
in frustration--
lost to my own self.

Falling--like Alice Through the Looking Glass
plunges down the hole--I seek
to find hold of something - anything -
the smallest bit of hope to blast
away the lines, to clear the path ahead

The sky is bleak
but somewhere
up ahead I know
the sun will peak
lighting my way.

At least that's what I tell myself, for I dare
not allow myself to live in utter despair
when I can fall to my knees in prayer.

---

An Aside:  The final stanza was suppose to be a couplet.  At first the last line was "not allow myself to fall to my knees in prayer."  But then I wasn't so sure about going there (with praying).  So I changed it to the current second line of the stanza.  It wasn't until I went back to write the note above that I thought the line "but it brings me too my knees" kind of fit the idea of prayer.  So I debated between the two for a bit before deciding (for now at least) to let them both stand.

An Form Aside:  With the exception of the final stanza, the above was an attempt at a Weave.  This form was introduced by its creator over at dVerse Poets Pub along with another form called Karousel.  To read more about either form and to check out some Karousels and Weaves from the talent dVerse pub-goers, stop on in for a pint or two of delicious verse.

A Final Aside:  My Cousin Vinny (stuck), Bugs Bunny (lost), and Alice in Wonderland (falling).  Quite honestly in my current frame of mind I can't even guarantee that the above poem makes sense, let alone explain how these three references made there way into this piece.  I don't really think this is where I had expected to end up when this song first struck a chord--I may even end up revisiting the song again once my head clears--but I've learned never to question inspiration.

22 Loony for Lunes

Over at dVerse Poets Pub, they're exploring the Lune  (or should I say Lunes) for this week's FormForAll.  I thought I'd give it a go.  

Lune:  Lily Pads

#1 (Kelly Lune)
violescent hues
dance along
riverbeds--waiting

#2 (Collom Lune)
frogs play hopscotch
'cross turbulent waters with not
a single care


Lune:  Holiday Scraps

#1 (Kelly Lune)
strung popcorn festoons
appear now
as nothing but string

#2 (Collom Lune)
fires still crackle 
with leftover remnants of gifts 
stoking their flames


An Aside:  For additional inspiration, I used the "Word of the Day" from two separate dictionary apps.  Dictionary.com:  violescent (adj.) - tending to a violet color.  Merriam-Webster:  festoon (n.) - 1. a decorative chain or strip hanging between two points; 2. a carved, molded or painted ornament representing a decorative chain.

12 Soul(mate) Searching

My heart stut-
ters; this cut burns
somewhat more than
I had planned.  Still
I scan each soul
with one goal to
feel whole--knowing
this searching yields
nothing but pain.

---

I (if you have not already figured this out) am one of the many who find writing in form to be frustrating and painstaking.  Still I enjoy the challenge (the same way I enjoy solving a good system of equations in three variables using augmented matrices...no serious I really do!).  So I took up the challenge presented at dVerse Poets Pub FormForAll and wrote the above Than Bauk (more accurately a "chained" Than Bauk).  To learn more about the form and check out how some quite talented individuals work through this very tight  form hop on over to the Pub...

An Aside:  I'm thinking this little number might fit very nicely with my "Diary of an Anorexic Love Life."

8 decidophobia & High Noon

Quite some time ago I explored a gigantic list of phobias in search of one particular one; along the way I came across quite a number of phobias that struck a little too close to home.  Decidophobia, while mild, haunts me quite often.  It grows exponentially when my decision impacts or involves others (or even other's knowing about the decision).  So when reading dVerse Poets Pub Poetics for this week, Through the Artist's Lens, I had quite a time deciding.  A selection of photos by SueAnn presented quite an array, definitely making it hard to decide.

The first to strike me made me think of old westerns.  But it was not the first to spark the words that begin the poem below; that was found in not the fence, but in the shadows created by the fence.  Of all the images, there was still one that left me feeling unfocused.  After looking a bit closer, an image took shape of a girl standing on a platform.  I'm not really sure how the three (see images below) managed to merge themselves together in the oddity below, but...

---

High Noon

I see them in shadows
standing shoulder to shoulder
as they did on that fateful day
picket fence dreams glistening
in the glint of their eyes
noon shining overhead ringing
sparks of light shooting unruly
dreams floating away on the wind
as the dust finally cleared

I stand on the platform--a precipice
in this techno-colored world
my own picket fence dreams
threatened as I stand shoulder
to shoulder with my enemy
(my own image) staring her down
wondering who will still be standing
when the dust finally settles

---

High Noon

Do you see them in the shadows?

Do you see her?  What about her reflection?

4 Methods to Soothe Raging Emotions: Out of My Misery

I long for silence to finally consume
the screams that echo deep - my private hell.
This storm of thoughts will usher forth my doom.

My lungs contrict against the fears which loom;
am I the only one whho hears them yell?
(Oh how) I long for silence to finally consume.

I scream in hopes of lessoning the gloom;
how many wasted breaths mus I expel
(before) this storm of thoughts does usher forth my doom.

I turn the music up and forge a womb
to drown out fears as they begin to swell.
(Please Lord) I long for silence to finally consume.

The pounding bass works fiercly to entomb
emotions raging forth--to help dispel
this storm of thoughts which ushers forth my doom.

My heart's resigned to never feel the bloom
of peace until I say my last farewell.
(Oh how) I long for silence to finally consume
the storm of thoughts which ushers forth my doom.

---

Notes:  Today is Friday and thus when I typically post my CIHTD? post.  However, inspiration for that came earlier this week on Wednesday with 3WW's words for this week.  Still I feel a bit out of sorts for not posting a song inspired piece today.  I have consoled myself by including music as part of the poems essense.

This also makes poem number four in my "Methods to Soothe Raging Emotions" series.

---

Over at the dVerse Poets Pub for FormForAll they are exploring villanelle.  While this is not a new form for me, it has been quite awhile since I last toyed with it...so I figured I give it another go.  I did take a couple of liberties...but I've come to accept that part of learning the rules is breaking them. 

If you get a chance, check out how some of the other dVerse talents tackled this form.

5 Irrational Illusions -- A Response

irrational illustions - a response.egg on Aviary.

---

Irrational Illusions – A Response

social engagement
to put forth such an effort
at such an expense
to the mind, heart, body, soul…
seems a fool’s errand
like a child playing with fire
comfort and warmth call
teasing with their open arms
just to sear straight through
why delve into this sector
of social terror
for just a glimpse of self-worth
of affirmation
reflected in other’s eyes
or within their words
truthfully it makes no sense
compounding real life
with more social arenas
honestly who needs
the world at their fingertips
one more avenue
to fall into a tailspin
where loss of control
tears at every ounce of hope
maybe it is time
to still the paranoia
in at least one world
before irrational thoughts
and harsh delusions
skirt the edge of sanity
maybe it is time
to not push the envelope
in an online world
where social angst finds a home
maybe it’s time to
unshrink this crazy life of
social endeavors

---

this will probably never going happen again...it's not even 3 o'clock on Tuesday and i'm ready for this week's OpenLinkNight over at dVerse~Poets Pub.  i suppose i figured that this being a busy time of year...this week in particular...i should get a jump start on things if i wished to not miss.   

anyway...the above poem is a response to last week's OpenLinkNight.  i had said in the ramblings part of my post that it didn't quite take on the end i had envisioned.  it really just set up the scene (or the problem).  so today i decided to revisit the thoughts that played in my head at the time.  somehow with Irrational Illusions i managed to keep 'i', 'you', 'me', etc out off the poem...not really an easy task for me lately.  when it came to writing this response i was torn with whether to stick with the lack of personalization or to reclaim it.  as you can tell i again left out 'i', 'you', 'me', etc., though they popped into my head on more than one occasion.  was it a good call?  i don't know.  might it have been a stronger piece with the personalization?  maybe.  will i leave it as is?  knowing me probably.  is this really goodbye?  that's an excellent question...

6 Irrational Illusions

irrational illusions.egg on Aviary.

---

Irrational Illusions

social endeavors
breed paranoid delusions
in whispers and taunts
unheard words that brush the neck
tickles which incite
involuntary cringing
where shoulders rise up
a manner of protection
from something not there
surroundings push in
like walls closing all around
stealing breath from lungs
while tears push to the surface
where clenched teeth push back
striving to maintain control
a steel composure
to protect from eyes not there
now the fight expands
to new social arenas
where fingertips touch the world
in fresh mediums:
chats, blogs, tweets, podcasts, emails…
an unending list
ripe for paranoid fancy
steeped in social angst
no longer felt in whispers
nor in “watching” eyes
but rather in the silence
a painful echo
driving irrational thoughts
emails of boycotts
meant to explain still voices
tweets unretweeted
reinforce perceived lacking
as the world shrinks in
the pressure expands tenfold
crushing from the inside out

---

i wasn't sure when i started this that it would end where i had intended it to start...i thought it would simply follow a parallel line of thought and i'd have to come back to the original thought in another piece. but it found its way back...strange really how things find there way. although technically i did not make way into the intended conclusion...just to the beginning...which i'm sure makes no sense to anyone but me since only i know the original intent.


anyway...this is my offerings for this weeks OpenLinkNight over at the dVerse~Poets Pub, an extraordinary place were an eclectic group of individuals come together to share and celebrate poetry.

2 Escape Despair

escape despair.egg on Aviary.

---

Escape Despair

whisps escape her tightly spun updo
frantically whispering to you;
begging to unfurl like a loose stitch.
how can you resist as fingers itch
longing to unravel more than hair?

thoughts escape from deep within, as you
frantically push aside this new
feeling ravishing you from inside;
for there is no way you can abide
marring this friendship beyond repair.

still, should you deny a gift so precious and rare
just to save yourself from possible despair?

---

i had this idea in my head awhile back with the first stanza though not quite as it currently stands. it lingered with me...and so i've revisited it. i'm not sure if i like the way it turned out, but i'll let it stand for now.


anyway...this is my weekly offering for OpenLinkNight over at the dVerse~Poets Pub. if you haven't already been there to check out the talent individuals who walk through the pubs doors you may want to take a minute and see what they bring to the mic.

note:  please forgive my recording.  i tried it several times, but it didn't really feel right...

8 CRAZE

CRAZE

frenzy

free-for-all

jettisoned cargo

flushes them out in droves

to behave like wild creatures

"mob mentality at it's best."

---

it's been awhile since i last wrote a clarity pyramid...but seeing as how this is the last Wednesday of the month and i have finally found my way back to 3WW, how could i not write one?  took me a bit to bring it all together, but i do seem to find that is often the case with this form.

this past weekend, there was a marathon of Firefly on tv.  while i have never really watched the single season 'space cowboy' series, my brother roped me into a couple of episodes.  somehow this weeks Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>behave, jettison(ed), mob] was inspired by one of the episodes.

i concede...once again I hoped to try for two in one day...but it seems it wasn't in me. so here is my meager offerings for this week's OpenLinkNight. tonight I go voiceless leaving this little scribbling scrawled on a coaster over at the dVerse~Poets Pub.

6 Last Breath

---

Last Breath

you cracked open my chest,
sunk your fingers deep within
encasing my still beating heart.
can you feel the rhythm
in sync with your own?
it beats for you,
because of you.

don’t let yourself waver now
tugging at my heartstrings;
do what it is you came to do.

this is no time to hesitate,
not if you ever felt a tinge
within yourself
of the vibrant life
now beating in your hand.

make it quick
so it doesn’t sting too much.
like ripping off a band aid,
like plunging into ice cold water,
put me out of my misery.

my heart has been yours
since the moment we met;
so go ahead,
tear it out of me
hold it up in the palm of your hand
watch it take its last breath.

free me from feeling it break
into a million tiny little pieces.
go ahead do what it is
you came to do.

---

i must concede. i could not find my way to fill the blank pages staring back at me...so i dug up something (not previously posted here) for this week's OpenLinkNight over at dVerse~Poets Pub. i should have known better than to think (considering my current writing stamina) that i could write two new poems in one day.

6 Hidden Truth

hidden truth.egg on Aviary.

---

Hidden Truth

His actions vindicated with two words
bring little solace to his worn down soul;
For deep within he knows the scary truth
they'll come from out of the woodwork in herds.

Where solace should embrace his worn down soul,
this verdict lays an old case at his feet;
a young boy's death now takes a greater toll.

As impetus for kidnapping our youth,
this two word verdict is a defeat
which drives home within him the scary truth;

they'll come from out of the woodwork in herds.
A young boy's life now worth a greater toll,
with impetus for kidnapping our youth;
His actions vindicated with two words.

---

it has been quite some time since i found myself participating in a Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>impetus, solace, vindication(-ion+ed)]. i'm sure i could probably deduce why it has taken me so long (since returning from my self-imposed exile) to return, but i'll save us all such a crazy rambling. as for why this week i cannot say, especially when you consider the words. i'm not really sure i did justice to the 'impetus'...or any of the 3WW words.


upon first reading them, they made me think of an episode recently on "Harry's Law" that i saw. i don't know if the poem makes sense outside of having seen the episode, but...


i am double dipping today by offering this up for OpenLinkNight over at dVerse~Poets Pub.

5 Bleeding Black

bleeding black.egg on Aviary.

---

Bleeding Black

Words course through me
running the gambit through every vital organ;
intent on pulling the toxins from my body,
I bleed black.

Words collide within me
collecting the tainted emotions threatening me;
intent on healing my tattered mind,
I bleed black.

Words seep out of me
expelling the poison imbued in my very being;
intent on releasing my soul to breathe,
I bleed black.

This letting of words is my treatment…my salvation;
but with every bloodletting I am left to wonder.

What will become of me
when I squeeze
the last bit of ink
out of my veins?

(Will peace finally breathe life back into me
or will peace find me with the release of my last breath?)

I bleed black.

---

i've been sitting on "What will become of me / when I squeeze / the last bit of ink / out of my veins" for awhile now. Natasha Head's words for this weeks OpenLinkNight over at the dVerse~Poets Pub made me think back to this tweet that has sat waiting to find its voice. it was in the second stanza that i truly saw its light in the tag line of this blog, "this letting of words is my treatment...my salvation. it pulls all the toxins from my mind, body, and soul."

5 Adrift in Regret

The world melts away
whenever my eyes meet yours;
I am swept along
lost in a sea of regret.
floating endlessly.
Once words whispered drew desire,
like wind in my sails,
guiding me into your arms.
Every touch took me
along turbulent waters
where passion found course
wreaking havoc on my heart;
emotions ran wild,
steering me to another--
fear anchoring me.
on that day the winds silenced
and I found myself adrift.

---

i can't quite decide if this choka was ready to end here. FormForAll this week over at dVerse~Poets Pub had an article on Man’yoshu Japanese Poetry. having explored one of the two forms presented already (the tanka), i thought i might give the choka (or long poem) a go. i'm not sure i like the idea that it has no specific line restriction. it reminds me a bit of a ballad, though without the rhyming...they feel like they are meant to tell a story...but maybe that's just me.


anyway...i think for now i'll let it stand as is.

6 Beneath the Veil

Beneath the Veil.egg on Aviary.

---

Beneath the Veil

your piercing gaze
disturbs my equilibrium
I teeter between who I wish you to see
and who I am beneath the surface

Normally what lies beneath is easy to conceal
so weighed down by fears
ladened with numbing anxiety
she rarely sees the light of day
yet you
with your piercing gaze
dive straight into my core
pushing down appearances
ripping aside the veil of smoke and mirrors
exposing her to the light

your piercing gaze
draws me to the surface
untethering me from my fears and anxieties
allowing me to see me through your eyes

---

my small offerings at the dVerse~Poets Pub for this week's OpenLinkNight. 

side note:  i'm not sure what it is about today's recording, but i listen to myself and can't help but laugh at me...

8 From the Ashes

From the Ashes.egg on Aviary.

---

From the Ashes

surrounding walls protect like a double-edged sword
protection melds into suffocation,tarnishing every breath
desire swells sparking thoughts of freedom's flight
longing kindles within like a smoldering fire
but to put a match to this nest
to light this hearth on fire, burning down this cage
who's to say what will rise from the ashes
the mystical wings of the phoenix
the untapped beauty of Cinder-Soot
age old tales written of(f) by many
slanted, twisted and warped to suit one's fancy
who's to say what lies beneath
is true, unblemished, worthy of seeing the light
surrounding walls protect like a double-edged sword

---

i feel like there is an underlying theme in my poetry as of late...i suppose it probably speaks to my current state of mind...or lack there of.


i can't seem to break away from myself.  it would probably help if i forced myself to write more, but i am appear to be in a bit of a funk; so i really should be happy with the one poem (two if i'm lucky) a week thing i have going on.  after all it is better than nothing.


i'm thinking maybe i need to stop recording my voice for these OpenLinkNights.  one because i really dislike the sound of my voice...it is so not me.  i realize that most people to sound different when they hear their recorded voice, but i've actually had other people comment on how it doesn't sound like me.  two because i seem to have issues doing the recording at home and too often that is where (because i am a last-minute type of gal) i find myself putting on the finishing touches.


anyway...this is my weekly offering for the dVerse~Poets Pub.  if you haven't already been there to check out the talent individuals who walk through the pubs doors you may want to take a minute and see what they bring to the mic.

9 Fun House Mirrors

Fun House Mirrors.egg on Aviary.

---

Fun House Mirrors

no one sees me
tin-foiled windows reflect
expected visions
while I cower deep within
terrified I might catch a glimpse
of my true self
distorted
by my makeshift mirrors

---

originally this was intended as a tanka tweet...the first two lines (ending with protect instead of reflect) popped into my head the other night, but i could not seem to pull my thoughts together. upon revisiting my words and their intentions, it grew well beyond what i had anticipated...far beyond 140 characters and the five-lined 31-syllable tanka.


so tonight...amazingly enough on Tuesday...i present my humble offerings for OpenLinkNight over at dVerse~Poets Pub.

8 These Walls

my original goal was to get this up yesterday, but i had issues at home with the audio program i use...but quite honestly i'll be happy if i don't end up as the closing act at OpenLinkNight for the third week in a row.  (i wonder what it must feel like to be first...or in the top ten for that matter.) 


anyway...yesterday, in my attempt to make it through the dVerse~Poets Pub doors on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, i found myself revisiting six lines that had been sitting patiently waiting to burst (into song).  i'm not really sure if the lines that ended up coming to life fit the sound of the first six nor if it (in its entirety) fully says what--in the back of my mind--i wished.  still i have decided to throw it out there...let it sink in a bit...and if need be alter later should the need arise. 


on a side note:  while i am slowly becoming more accepting of my recorded spoken voice, i'm still not particularly fond (and that's putting it lightly) of my recorded singing voice...so do beware...

---

These Walls.egg on Aviary.

---

These Walls

I been lost for long long time
caught between myself and the daily grind
I been waiting on something to take me away
instead of looking in mirror at my own face
now the time has come for me to take control
and finally feel a love I've never known

I'm gonna break these walls I built around me
sing my praise 'til I believe in me
I'm gonna dance beneath the moonlight naked
tear at this disguise so I can see the real me

I can feel her deep inside of me
this woman fighting to break free
I can hear her pleas and rattling chains
all I need do is call her name
the time has come for me to let go
release myself from all I have known

I'm gonna break these walls I built around me
sing my praise 'til I believe in me
I'm gonna dance beneath the moonlight naked
tear at this disguise so I can see the real me