8 These Walls

my original goal was to get this up yesterday, but i had issues at home with the audio program i use...but quite honestly i'll be happy if i don't end up as the closing act at OpenLinkNight for the third week in a row.  (i wonder what it must feel like to be first...or in the top ten for that matter.) 


anyway...yesterday, in my attempt to make it through the dVerse~Poets Pub doors on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, i found myself revisiting six lines that had been sitting patiently waiting to burst (into song).  i'm not really sure if the lines that ended up coming to life fit the sound of the first six nor if it (in its entirety) fully says what--in the back of my mind--i wished.  still i have decided to throw it out there...let it sink in a bit...and if need be alter later should the need arise. 


on a side note:  while i am slowly becoming more accepting of my recorded spoken voice, i'm still not particularly fond (and that's putting it lightly) of my recorded singing voice...so do beware...

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These Walls.egg on Aviary.

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These Walls

I been lost for long long time
caught between myself and the daily grind
I been waiting on something to take me away
instead of looking in mirror at my own face
now the time has come for me to take control
and finally feel a love I've never known

I'm gonna break these walls I built around me
sing my praise 'til I believe in me
I'm gonna dance beneath the moonlight naked
tear at this disguise so I can see the real me

I can feel her deep inside of me
this woman fighting to break free
I can hear her pleas and rattling chains
all I need do is call her name
the time has come for me to let go
release myself from all I have known

I'm gonna break these walls I built around me
sing my praise 'til I believe in me
I'm gonna dance beneath the moonlight naked
tear at this disguise so I can see the real me

5 Shine

you put me on a shelf and stare at me
hold me on a pedestal as though i were a queen
but you don't listen to a word i say
nor see the tears that stain my face
you look at me like i'm a prize
and i'm tired, so tired of living this lie

i'm lettin' go
throwin' it all away
pushin' you aside
don't bother askin' me to stay
'cause i'm gone
i'm out-a-here
gonna take back my heart
wipe away my own tears
and shine
in a love that's all mine

oh, you act like we got it going on
parade around like their ain't nothing wrong
but you don't see i've fallen behind
lost in a world that's no longer mine
boy, how could i have been such a fool
to think you could love me the way i love you

i'm lettin' go
throwin' it all away
pushin' you aside
don't bother askin' me to stay
'cause i'm gone
i'm out-a-here
gonna take back my heart
wipe away my own tears
and shine
i'm gonna shine
shine in a love that's all mine

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the first two line were burned into my head long ago when faced with an OSP's One Shoot Sunday challenge (not sure i ever found out what it was a picture of).  i did not actually end up using these two line for that prompt. anyway...when they first came to me, i heard them as a song with a bit of a bite. about forty days later i tweeted the next two lines as an addition to the first. somehow i found my way back to it last week...added a couple more lines to finish off the first part. today...i toyed a bit more. i'm not a hundred percent sold on it. not sure about the refrain, but i'm throwing it out there anyway to the community that first inspired it. thus, this is my offering to OSP's One Shot Wednesday.

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i'm not sure what possessed me to do this...but i wouldn't hit play if i were you!

Shine.egg on Aviary.

0 before i go... (lyrics....song #3)

tell me one more thing before i go
tell me deep inside yourself you know

i've been waiting for someone like you to come along
oh baby, how could a love like ours have gone so wrong

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that's all i got at the moment...not much i know...but.right now that is all i hear...i'm not sure if the two couplets above belong adjacent or if something should fall inbetween…maybe more will come...maybe not...


the words above are an unfinished and unsung song.  they are my third adventure (at least on this blog) into writing lyrics...  so far i have yet to finish a single one of the three.  the bits and pieces i put together just float out there waiting to be made whole...

0 You Look Beautiful...

it's funny (or not...i'm not really sure), i was driving to work this morning and a song (for lack of a better word) that i had written ages ago popped into my head.  no, that's not the funny part (besides i'm not quite sure this whole revelation counts as funny anyway).  anyway, i was thinking about the title and how though the words themselves don't appear in the song any where, they are the unsaid words that cause the torture and pain expressed in the song.  the words/title...i know you're wondering about them...are the same as title of this post.

and it's funny (there i go again with the 'funny'...not funny ha-ha...maybe odd is a better word), i realized why the words hurt so much.  yes, they made me think about how if i look beautiful now, what must i have been before.  but what i realized was it wasn't that i wished to be told i looked beautiful, but that i was beautiful.  it seems like a simple distinction; and i know in the back of my mind (somewhere buried deep) i believe i am and i believe others do as well...it's just that i guess it would be nice to hear the words, to feel the words, to believe not only in my mind, but in my heart as well.

okay, not funny...sad really...

"I sat in the chair
bein' beautified
had my makeup done up
and my hair done just so
as I gazed in the mirror
at a reflection not my own
the compliments began
and it hit me like a blow
if this is me know
what must I have been like then

And the words course through me
like poison from a snake
tarin' through my heart
till my whole body ached
and the tears just want to fall
but I can't set 'em free
gotta hold 'em back
so they won't see
how they've affected me

It was a fanciful night
though there were clouds in the  sky
a touch of rain in the air
oh, but I was dressed to suit
in a gown that didn't quite fit
I kept steppin' on my heals
as I made my way through the crowd
haunted by their voices
so gracious were their words
but I can't help to think
if this is me know
what must I have been like then

And the words cut through me
like poison on a knife
tarin' through my heart
till my whole body aches
and the tears just want to fall
but I can't let 'em go
gotta hold 'em back
so they won't know
how they've affected me

and the compliments began
and it hit me like blow
so gracious where their words
but I can't help but think
if this is me know
what must I have been like then


like poison from a snake
tarin' through my heart
till my whole body aches
and the tears just want to fall
but I can't set 'em free
gotta hold 'em back
so they won't see
how they've affected me

I nod past the cringin'

smile past the pain
if this is me know
what must I have been like then"And the words course through me

0 Hold on...(lyrics...song #2)

The time has finally come
there's no denying
for it's so plain to see
I can hear it in your voice
see it in your eyes
feel it in with every touch

And alls I want to do
is hold on
just a little bit longer

So please won't you
Love me
like there's no tomorrow
Hold me
like you'll never let me go

0 lyrics...continued...

do you
think about me
the way that I do
about you
at night
I close my eyes
and imagine your there with me
lyin' by my side
sleep comes easy
as I think of you
and your hand in mine

0 lyrics...continued...

my heart
starts racing
and words
start tumbling
through my mind
i do my best
to push it all aside
i try to act
like you don't affect me
the way you do

0 lyrics...a start...

Do you
think about me
the way that I do
about you
Do you
wonder what I'm thinking
wonder what I'm feeling
when I'm around you