Sunday, November 28, 2010
0 quicksand
i sink a little bit more every day. i do my best not to struggle for fear the movement will cause me to sink faster in the abyss. i can feel the pull dragging me down deeper and deeper into its welcoming arms. arms that seem to hold the potential for peace and calm. but that's just a mirage. it's sweet beckoning call is like a siren tune carrying away sailors to their death is a trap. i'm stuck waiting to be rescued. i'm just not sure in which direction i should look for help. so every day i'll continue to sink a bit further and try my best not to struggle too much, but maybe that's the problem. Maybe struggling is the solution.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
0 Quinzaine: Future
#1
The future is in your hands.
Will you rise up to
the challange?
#2
I fear what the future holds.
Is it all I wish?
Should I hope?
in the search for inspiration, i came across this new form of poetry: quinzaine.
The future is in your hands.
Will you rise up to
the challange?
#2
I fear what the future holds.
Is it all I wish?
Should I hope?
in the search for inspiration, i came across this new form of poetry: quinzaine.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
0 haiku
#1
barren winter trees
mirror the image below
or do roots now bloom
#2
the first snowfall looms
barren limbs dusted in white
a picturesque site
i'm not sure what it is about trees free of their leaves that i find so incredibly beautiful. maybe it's the fact that they are now completely bare; their perfections and flaws no longer hidden beneath a mass off blooms or foliage. i feel like somehow that statement reveals a lot about myself and i'm not so sure it's a good thing.
barren winter trees
mirror the image below
or do roots now bloom
#2
the first snowfall looms
barren limbs dusted in white
a picturesque site
i'm not sure what it is about trees free of their leaves that i find so incredibly beautiful. maybe it's the fact that they are now completely bare; their perfections and flaws no longer hidden beneath a mass off blooms or foliage. i feel like somehow that statement reveals a lot about myself and i'm not so sure it's a good thing.
0 encounter #52...session 2...continued...
Him: How does it work?
Her: It's a bit complicated. I don't exactly see what the future has in store for people.
[She paused and looked down at her gloveless entwined fingers.]
Her: What I see is the moments and events that the person and I share. In some cases, depending on personalities and compatibility that may be quite a lot. But more often than not the relationship is superficial. More acquaintance than friend. So while I can see a potential future if my path and theirs continued to cross, I don't see everything. I'm not sure that makes sense, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.
Him: So is it possible for you to see and feel nothing. If you have nothing in common with the other person and you would never be friends, might you not see anything at all.
[She sighed and shook her head.]
Her: If only it were that simple. I always feel and see something. Sometimes it is quicker than others. But I the experience is very out of body and overwhelming. It is just easier to avoid touch. Besides those I most would want to get close to are the ones who will provide the most fodder for my gift.
[She stood up and walked toward the middle of the room away from him.]
Him: That must be hard.
[He stared at her until she turned around. She met his gaze and shrugged in reply. He looked off to the side as though he were thinking. He turned back as the thought took hold.]
Him: You had a boyfriend.
Her: I believe we covered that.
Him: What about sex?
[She stared at him for a moment. She jaw obviously tensed as she grated her teeth together. She took a visible breath and looked at the clock on the wall. She pulled her gloves from her pocket and begins to put them on.]
Her: It's late. I think it is time we call this quits.
[He watched her for a minute, opening his mouth as though to argue. He stopped, shut his mouth, shook his head and stood.]
Him: Okay, I'll see you...
[She shook her head and interrupted him.]
Her: I think it would be best to call things quits completely. It has already been two sessions and I really can't continue to waste time.
Him: Look I promise next time...
Her: This is best. Have a good evening.
[She turned abruptly and walked out of the room.]
Her: It's a bit complicated. I don't exactly see what the future has in store for people.
[She paused and looked down at her gloveless entwined fingers.]
Her: What I see is the moments and events that the person and I share. In some cases, depending on personalities and compatibility that may be quite a lot. But more often than not the relationship is superficial. More acquaintance than friend. So while I can see a potential future if my path and theirs continued to cross, I don't see everything. I'm not sure that makes sense, but I'm not sure how else to explain it.
Him: So is it possible for you to see and feel nothing. If you have nothing in common with the other person and you would never be friends, might you not see anything at all.
[She sighed and shook her head.]
Her: If only it were that simple. I always feel and see something. Sometimes it is quicker than others. But I the experience is very out of body and overwhelming. It is just easier to avoid touch. Besides those I most would want to get close to are the ones who will provide the most fodder for my gift.
[She stood up and walked toward the middle of the room away from him.]
Him: That must be hard.
[He stared at her until she turned around. She met his gaze and shrugged in reply. He looked off to the side as though he were thinking. He turned back as the thought took hold.]
Him: You had a boyfriend.
Her: I believe we covered that.
Him: What about sex?
[She stared at him for a moment. She jaw obviously tensed as she grated her teeth together. She took a visible breath and looked at the clock on the wall. She pulled her gloves from her pocket and begins to put them on.]
Her: It's late. I think it is time we call this quits.
[He watched her for a minute, opening his mouth as though to argue. He stopped, shut his mouth, shook his head and stood.]
Him: Okay, I'll see you...
[She shook her head and interrupted him.]
Her: I think it would be best to call things quits completely. It has already been two sessions and I really can't continue to waste time.
Him: Look I promise next time...
Her: This is best. Have a good evening.
[She turned abruptly and walked out of the room.]
Saturday, November 20, 2010
0 release
i've imagined the knife piercing my chest more times than i can say
not is some unfulfilled wish to leave this world behind
though i'd be lying if i didn't say the wish has crossed my mind
the thought is more symbolic of what i so long for
release
somehow i picture that knife and the chasm it forms as a release
it allows all of the pain that constantly plagues me to escape
like steam from a sewer grate or a geyser erupting its pent up rage
and for a small tiny moment just that simple image i conjure has the desired effect
the pressure lightens within me—if ever so brief—and i feel that which i crave
release
0 Letting Go
I desperately want to hide
hide away somewhere secure and safe
safe from the torture of being unable to do something
something they should be doing but lack action
I don't want to me near the craziness
craziness that is perpetuated over and over
over time you'd think it would balance
balance so the craziness didn't cause such detriment
I know I'm taking the cowards way out
out of the bureaucracy that ties my hands
hands that long to get dirty and yet are useless
useless and unable to make a big wave
So I rather hide away from it all and ignore
ignore what I cannot change and yet needs to
to bury myself back in the trenches
trenches where I can make small waves of change
thought i'd try something new...loop poetry. it worked well enough for expressing my current state of frustration and hopelessness.
hide away somewhere secure and safe
safe from the torture of being unable to do something
something they should be doing but lack action
I don't want to me near the craziness
craziness that is perpetuated over and over
over time you'd think it would balance
balance so the craziness didn't cause such detriment
I know I'm taking the cowards way out
out of the bureaucracy that ties my hands
hands that long to get dirty and yet are useless
useless and unable to make a big wave
So I rather hide away from it all and ignore
ignore what I cannot change and yet needs to
to bury myself back in the trenches
trenches where I can make small waves of change
thought i'd try something new...loop poetry. it worked well enough for expressing my current state of frustration and hopelessness.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
1 Broken Promise
She stood abruptly, tucked her clutch under her arm, turned away from the table and walked off. He watched her retreating form, marveling at the way her hips swayed even as stormed off. She hadn't slapped him. That had to be a good sign. But she hadn't said anything either. Not one single word escaped her lips as he bared his heart to her. She had sat surprising still and silent. Though he could see her jaw was clenched and her breathing had slowed. Both where signs that she was doing her best to hold back the tears.
His gazed turned back to her half eaten plate. Was it wrong to have hoped she would have been delighted by his news? Was he fooling himself? There was no doubt he was taking a chance in telling her. He was, after all, breaking his promise to her. She had been so clear about her feelings and expectations up front. And given such an amazing proposition, how could he not have agreed. He was a man after all. He should have been happy with what he had, with what she was willing to give. But no, he wanted more. Was that really a crime?
He definitely was not going to give up this easily. Somewhere deep down inside her he knew she too felt as he did. Somehow he had to show her it was okay to accept those feelings. He needed to show her it was okay to accept his feelings. It didn't matter how many times she walked away from him, how many times she slammed the door in his face, nor how many times she deleted his emails and hung up on him. Whether she wanted to hear it or not, he was going to tell her over and over again how much he loved her.
As he shook his head at his stupidity, sigh escaped him. He should never have agreed to the type of relationship she wanted. And he definitely should not have promised not to fall in love with her.
Inspiration for this post came from Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>clutch, delight(ed), happy]. I feel like its missing something...like something is off or lacking...I don't know, maybe it's just my current mood...
His gazed turned back to her half eaten plate. Was it wrong to have hoped she would have been delighted by his news? Was he fooling himself? There was no doubt he was taking a chance in telling her. He was, after all, breaking his promise to her. She had been so clear about her feelings and expectations up front. And given such an amazing proposition, how could he not have agreed. He was a man after all. He should have been happy with what he had, with what she was willing to give. But no, he wanted more. Was that really a crime?
He definitely was not going to give up this easily. Somewhere deep down inside her he knew she too felt as he did. Somehow he had to show her it was okay to accept those feelings. He needed to show her it was okay to accept his feelings. It didn't matter how many times she walked away from him, how many times she slammed the door in his face, nor how many times she deleted his emails and hung up on him. Whether she wanted to hear it or not, he was going to tell her over and over again how much he loved her.
As he shook his head at his stupidity, sigh escaped him. He should never have agreed to the type of relationship she wanted. And he definitely should not have promised not to fall in love with her.
Inspiration for this post came from Three Word Wednesday [3WW=>clutch, delight(ed), happy]. I feel like its missing something...like something is off or lacking...I don't know, maybe it's just my current mood...
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