0 or maybe...

i apologize in advance for the inane ramblings that are about to ensue.  i also apologize for getting lost.  i seem to have lost myself somewhere and am trying to find my way back.  not an easy task, but i'm working on it.  anyway...


i think i steal other people's dreams.  maybe not steal, so much as borrow, invade, trespass or something of the sort.  i know i have a relatively over active imagination that i quite often ignore, but there is no way that my subconscious is able to concoct such outlandish dreams or such realistic ones.  and it seems odd to me that i rarely play myself.  i am always someone else, or i watch from the outside like a movie...i even jump from character to character.  every once in a while i think about the fact (or at least i remember hearing it as such) that  frankenstein came from dream.  and i wonder if maybe that is the real purpose behind them.  to inspire something more.  of course i'd have to remember them for that to happen right.  at least more than the bits and pieces that linger.  and i'm so not a morning person, so there is no way i'm waking and writing down the thoughts before they fly out of my head.  anyway that is besides the point.  i wonder if it is possible to invade someone else's dreams.  i have always believed that there is the possibility that if we were able to tap into certain parts of our brain we would be...i don't know that psychic is exactly the word i'm looking for, but in that realm of things.  when we sleep, we open our subconscious to those things we perceive as impossible.  similar to the idea of young children being more in tune to fairies and ghosts because they lack the logic and realistic world we adults force upon ourselves.  they still believe in the impossible.  well, i think it's possible that those boundaries we put up open up when we sleep.  maybe i do dream the future and thus why i have deja vu moments or maybe i do invade other people's dreams or maybe i see fairies and ghosts when i sleep or maybe my creative side that i have chained up and left to shrivel and die of starvation is making a stand and invading my dream to inspire me.

or maybe...

0 should sleep take hold

i could fall asleep right here
just close my eyes and drift off
melt into a world of my imagination
a crazy messed up realm
where wild things happen

i could fall asleep right here
sitting in this comfy green chair
disappear into a place of escape
a sometimes sweet location
where wonders sour to life

i could fall asleep right here
simply rest my head back and fade
disolving into my own peace of heaven
a lovely and insane impossibility
where i am anything and everything

0 sleep paralysis

it has a name.  i don't know what took me so long to look it up, but i finally did.  typed in 'dream paralysis' and low and behold found out that it wasn't just me.  there really exist a clinical definition for what i experience.  i read through a couple of different sites and checked out several videos.  some videos were documentary type; other videos were people explaining there experience.  oh, and there is apparently some lore behind the whole thing, 'old hag' and others.  there are two different types, one that includes hallucinations including sound and shadows; the other type is simply the inability to move.  very interesting really.

there are some discrepancies with my experiences.  one, they state sleep deprivation as one of the reason for it.  As far as i'm concerned, i am most definitely not sleep deprived.  i actually curbed the amount i slept to keep it at bay because it seems the more i sleep the more likely it is to happen.  i'm also a little interested in finding out what waking from this sleep paralysis is like for others.  for me, i am not only physically a little sluggish, but my mind/brain is in a big giant fog.  it takes a good hour or so for me to finally feel normal after waking from an episode. 

knowing though helps.  it should take some of the fear out of it.  though i doubt the fear will ever disappear. 

2 my subconscious

I had a dream...
not all that unusual for me;
as an avid sleeper, I'm an avid dreamer.

my mother appeared to me...
echoing my recent thoughts; 
it's time I started focusing on my writing again.

it has been quite some time...
since I've wielded the written word;
since the juices last flowed out.

the words float to the surface...
refusing to assemble into functioning thoughts;
rather they push against me begging to be freed.

it is time...
if my dream is any indication;
that I have too long forgot myself...
it is time to begin creating myself once again.