quitting....

i felt the resolve in me twice now, in regards to two different matters.  but still it was strong and certain and i felt a distinct belief that it real.  there was no wishy-washiness to it.  this was how it was, would be and should be. 

one morning after getting ready, i found myself sitting at the top of the stairs as i often do and the decision came to me.  'i have to quit.'  there was a certain finality to it.  like since i made the decision that was how i would be.  it felt good.  and for those few minutes as i sat there letting it sink in, i felt good.  unfortunately i'm a wuss and by the time i made my way down the stairs i knew it would not be.  no matter that it is what my heart wanted.  when have i ever allowed my heart to win out?

that was the first feeling of absolute certainty and acceptance to the way things needed to be.  i wish i could explain how that decision took me, however brief it may have lasted.  i wish i could explain why it was not as it should have been, why i waiver.

as for the second time i was struck by the same intense feeling of acceptance and resolve...well that is for another day...