Sunday, February 7, 2010

still unreal...yet not

Today is four months.  I do my best not to think about it, because I can feel my eyes glass over and the tears welling in the corners of my eyes.  Here I sit...in her seat.  I remember my dad talking about how it would be his seat now, like it was a badge of honor, a privilege.  Meanwhile it seems I have instead made this my second home.  Sometimes it feels weird occupying this seat, like I don't belong; I can't really explain it. 

Four months...I think about the future sometimes...of pinnacle moments in time...I thought Christmas would be hard...but my mind runs to Mother's Day and our birthdays and I don't know how I'll handle them...  Part of me hopes that the thinking will be worse than the actual event...only time will tell...

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