outsider

imagine going through life feeling like an outsider.  imagine being surround by people you know, family and friends, and feeling like you don't belong.  i can't imagine it is an easy thing to imagine.  but it is my life.  constantly surrounded by those i love, those who love me and i feel like i am a separate entity, as though i have nothing to add or offer that they could possible want.  it is a sad life.  it is lonely life. 

i don't feel invisible, though at times i wish i were.  i feel like i'm in a glass box, separate yet apart.  i wish i knew how to break out of the box.  i know it is one of my own creation.  it would be nice to feel as though i were a part of something, as though i belonged.  in my head, somewhere deep down, i know that i do belong.  i just don't feel as though i do.

thoughts

I have lots of thoughts that run around in my head.  Some completely random and a bit insane.  I try not to let them fester too long.  To help I invent small worlds that help me to escape.  I run these stories through my head when I have down time...when real thinking is not a necessity...when time sets in for my irrational thoughts to take flight.  These stories help to keep me grounded and yet feed off of those issues I bury deep.

not sure

to think I thought I had nothing to say
to think I thought I had no opinion
to think I thought I had little to share

the truth is I have a lot say
the truth is I have much to declare
the truth is I have loads to share

I am just not sure there is anything worth hearing
I am just not sure there is anyone who cares to listen
I am just not sure